Terrible mishap.....

[CarsonZi]

Thank you Katrine...you speak great Truth as always.  Her name is Deanna.

And the more I think about it, the more I think you and Louis are right.  I likely DID want this out on the table....not like this, but I crave openness and honesty so....  I also had a really awful reaction at first when this happened.  My body, NOT my mind, wanted to smile when she told me she had read something she shouldn't have.  And even when she told me what she read I was still having to fight a smile.  It was so conflicting because I was also crying.  Crying and fighting a smile.  WTF???  I thought it was some sort of weird physical...I don't know the word....uncontrolable response/reaction, cause it was very hard to stop and was very....well, happening.  I couldn't help it.  My body wanted to smile and laugh.  NOT a good time for that to happen.  And as soon as the feeling of needing to smile went away, I started having a "shaking" response like what I have gotten in other odd situations.  One being in my second acupuncture treatment which I wrote about here... http://www.aypsite.com/plus-forum/index.php?topic=5342 .... I don't know what this is, or what it means, but it happened.  Anyways, thank you as always for your powerful insights.

Love,
Carson[^]

[karl]

Sometimes we have to bite off just a little bit more than we can chew, to test ourselves, not to take life for granted. To expose what we are and to be accepted for it in order to learn and to grow.

There is no failure there is only feedback, cause and effect, we do something and get a result:

It is said that when Thomas Edison was busy trying to make a functioning electric lightbulb that he tried hunderds of different metals and gases. On one occasion he blew up the lab, very nearly killing himself and his assistant. On being asked if he would give up these foolish experiments because he had failed so spectacularly ? He replied that, far from failing he had actually learned how to create an electrical explosives detonator.

Only in trying something do we progress and learn, anyone who has never failed at something has never tried anything.

Your sub-conscious does these things for you because you cannot, like a six year old child it simply seeks to get you want you want and obeys every instruction as best it can.

It's good to fall down once in a while and realise we are human.

[Konchok Ösel Dorje]

Carson, You know what you have to do. Use your heart. Put your computer away for awhile and spend time with her. Unless, you don't want to. Either way, you know what you want. Just do it.

[emc]

I deleted the post because it was not written from a clear place. Probably this is not written very well either, but fingers start tapping here, so here we go...

There's honesty, and there's honesty... Saying everything the mind invents, pushing all your stories onto another being is not what I mean with Radical honesty. Radical honesty is about being true to your inner self.

Truth is You have not hurt her a bit. If she is hurt, she manages to do that very well herself by believing her own thoughts. Who is hurting here, who is spreading words of anxiety and regret over the forum? You are only hurting yourself this moment by believing YOUR thoughts about what happened.

As I wrote in the post before - if it's true that "The universe makes no mistakes" this was a brilliant push from life to bring more Radical Honesty into your life with your wife. The laughter bubbling inside of you is a clear sign of that... it's pointing at a distancing from the mind-drama created by this! The drama is only going on in your thoughts. Not in the situation itself. The situation is now more open and clear - you have a new platform to communicate from! Only good can come of this as far as I can see. It's an inevitable process of "getting your life straight". Wherever there's hidden stuff, it will bubble up sooner or later! I agree with Louis - it surely seems as if your unconscious wanted to relieve this "pressure" from you as fast as possible. Putting on my teacher voice I'd say: Well done! Jolly good job! It's transformation occurring!

I truly wish you all the best in sorting things out! It will happen sooner if you stay honest!

Radical honesty is about acknowledging it's all happening in you anyway... The way I see it, your wife is only the screen on which you project your own muddy stuff![8)] Who is the victim here? Just sending some provocing thoughts...

Love to you, emc

[CarsonZi]

Hi karl....

All things work together for good.  This will be no exception I am sure.  Thank you.

Love,
Carson[^]

[CarsonZi]

Hi Ösel...

quote:Originally posted by Konchok Ösel Dorje

Carson, You know what you have to do.

Stop posting intimate stuff on the forums?

quote:Originally posted by Konchok Ösel Dorje

Use your heart.

I did...and I will continue to.  

quote:Originally posted by Konchok Ösel Dorje

Put your computer away for awhile and spend time with her.

FYI I don't spend time on the computer when she is around.  She read this while I was golfing.  I had been reading the forum for a few minutes after meditation and before golf, and as usual I just left the screen on and on the active topics list.  Stupid.  Yet brilliant perhaps?  Who knows.

quote:Originally posted by Konchok Ösel Dorje

Unless, you don't want to. Either way, you know what you want. Just do it.

What I want is to not hurt her in the future.  I will do my best to do so.  Thank you.

Love,
Carson[^]

[CarsonZi]

Hello emc....

quote:Originally posted by emc

I deleted the post because it was not written from a clear place.

Ok[?]  I thought it was great....but you're the author!  You get to choose whether you publish or not[].

quote:Originally posted by emc

There's honesty, and there's honesty... Saying everything the mind invents, pushing all your stories onto another being is not what I mean with Radical honesty. Radical honesty is about being true to your inner self.

I guess in order to be true to your inner self, you must KNOW the inner self first right?  Perhaps that is my biggest issue.  The suppressed smile and laughter would obviously indicate that I am not in touch with my "inner self" as this was a very conflicted reaction.  But it also indicates that I am on my way to figuring out what that inner self really is and am slowly dropping the layers of "un-self"....so I guess only more time and practice is needed here?

quote:Originally posted by emc

Truth is You have not hurt her a bit.

Well.....I dunno about THAT...  I can see that the perpetuation of the hurt is her attaching to the things I said/she read, but that doesn't mean I didn't hurt her does it?

quote:Originally posted by emc

If she is hurt, she manages to do that very well herself by believing her own thoughts.

Yes, and she said this to me actually.  She said that this hurt so badly mainly because she herself often feels unattractive...and in that part of the discussion we came to the agreement that it was likely these times when she didn't feel attractive even to herself, that these were likely the times that I didn't feel attracted to her either.  I felt this way all along, but it was good for her to come to this realization on her own I think.

quote:Originally posted by emc

Who is hurting here, who is spreading words of anxiety and regret over the forum?

Do I have to answer that, or can that be a rhetorical question?  Please? Haha.

quote:Originally posted by emc

You are only hurting yourself this moment by believing YOUR thoughts about what happened.

Yes for sure.  I feel that I am an awful person.  I am choosing to believe this even though I really am not an awful person.  At least not on purpose[)].

quote:Originally posted by emc

As I wrote in the post before - if it's true that "The universe makes no mistakes" this was a brilliant push from life to bring more Radical Honesty into your life with your wife.

Thanks life.... Haha.

quote:Originally posted by emc

The laughter bubbling inside of you is a clear sign of that... it's pointing at a distancing from the mind-drama created by this!

Yes, I have noticed this in other, less awkward situations.  Situations where I see unneccessary suffering and can't help but laugh and smile.  Shanti sent me a story about Krishna as a child and "Lila", or "God's play", that symbolized this nicely.

quote:Originally posted by emc

The drama is only going on in your thoughts. Not in the situation itself. The situation is now more open and clear - you have a new platform to communicate from!

Having resolution at the end of the evening WAS a liberating feeling....as much as I almost wanted to supress that as well.  I hope that this can be the beginning of an even more open and honest relationship between us.

quote:Originally posted by emc

Only good can come of this as far as I can see.

Good has come from a lot worse situations then this, so I guess it would be silly of me to think that this is all negative.

quote:Originally posted by emc

It's an inevitable process of "getting your life straight".

A painful and jarring experience, albiet necessary I assume.

quote:Originally posted by emc

Wherever there's hidden stuff, it will bubble up sooner or later!

Great....  Gotta stop hiding stuff![]

quote:Originally posted by emc

I agree with Louis - it surely seems as if your unconscious wanted to relieve this "pressure" from you as fast as possible.

It does sort of seem that way doesn't it.

quote:Originally posted by emc

Putting on my teacher voice I'd say: Well done! Jolly good job! It's transformation occurring!

Indeed.

quote:Originally posted by emc

I truly wish you all the best in sorting things out! It will happen sooner if you stay honest!

Thank you my friend...your encouragement and advice is greatly appreciated.

quote:Originally posted by emc

Radical honesty is about acknowledging it's all happening in you anyway... The way I see it, your wife is only the screen on which you project your own muddy stuff![8)] Who is the victim here? Just sending some provocing thoughts...

I LOVE playing the victim though[]  Thanks emc.

Love,
Carson[^]

[brother neil]

Carson, when the mind is running 1000000 miles an hour it is hard to know how we feel.  You write on here so much that while meditation may be going well you may be hindering it outside of meditation by all the thinking, writing, attaching.  are you sexually attracted to your wife, you may not even be aware of the honest answer to that right now.
that is my observation, from my limited perspective.  you have to find your own truth.
 
my best to you and her
with love
Brother Neil

[CarsonZi]

Hi Brother Neil....

quote:Originally posted by brother neil

Carson, when the mind is running 1000000 miles an hour it is hard to know how we feel.

Yes I agree.

quote:Originally posted by brother neil

You write on here so much that while meditation may be going well you may be hindering it outside of meditation by all the thinking, writing, attaching.

Well, whether I write about stuff or not, I am still dealing with it all regardless.  I find writing about it, or just writing it down in general, very theraputic.  This is why I write so much....Not always because I need advice, not always because there is something wrong, but because it helps me to write stuff down and not just verbalize it in my head.  Writing it down helps to actually formulate EXACTLY what I feel about something.  It's like doing "The Work" by Byron Katie....it just isn't as effective if you do it in your head.  It always works better when you write it down.  And I seem to go through spurts anyways....I will often go days without writing a thing, and then write thirty posts in a few days.  Saving up I guess[].

quote:Originally posted by brother neil

are you sexually attracted to your wife, you may not even be aware of the honest answer to that right now.

Yes, I am sexually attracted to my wife.
 
Thanks for the input.

Love,
Carson[^]

[Kirtanman]

Brother Carson!

We meet @ last!



Dude (<- Californian for "Sri" ) ... we have *so* much in common, background-wise & interest in various things-wise, it's not even funny, eh? (<- I'm fluent in Californian *&* Canadian ).

More on that soon, I'm sure!

In the meantime, though -- I hope you and your wife are feeling better at the moment -- sometimes stuff has to "get a bit painful" in order to heal -- and true loving/true connecting *is* the balm that heals ... and the balm that minimizes and transmutes all pain -- and it sounds like you two have that loving in a rather awesome, yet very-real abundance.

You love each other.

You know you love each other.

You love each other even when stuff hurts.

All the rest is details; life happening; that's all.

Real Love, as you know (I remember you talking about Greg Baer's book here at the forum) involves being Wrong, Being Seen ... and Being Loved.

You're doing all three, in utter authenticity.

And I betcha just about anything: your wife sees this, and knows this, and loves you for it.

Sure, she read some stuff that triggered some ideas that she can loop in mind-emotions about ... we all have those, until we mostly-don't, anymore --- and she also read some stuff that, I'm guessing, from a woman's perspective, caused her to see how truly loved she is -- and how much of yourself you're willing to share, in order to overcome something you've been confused about -- in order to love her even more.

If she somehow missed this ..... tell her to read the thread again.



All this surface-mind conflict "stuff" is the part of the iceberg that's above the surface ... the 9/10ths that's below the surface .... *that's* where you and she are one iceberg. And you both know it. This wouldn't be playing out like it is, if that wasn't true.

Just drop your ideas about *everything* - sexual attraction, hurting people, being "better" in the future (there is no future, and there is no "better" -- the ocean of IDEAS is the toughest obstacle we all face, *apparently* ..... which is why it's symbolized as the Red Sea in the story of Moses, and it's symbolized as the ocean between India and Lanka in the story of Rama, Sita & Hanuman.)

Moses is Bhakti/Love.

Hanuman is Bhakti/Love.

YOU are Bhakti/Love (whoever is reading these words; whoever is writing these words ).

Do you love enough to transcend ideas, and love reality as all you are?

Yes, it's a rhetorical question.

You know the answer -- know your self as the answer -- much more deeply than ideas of doubt or doubtful ideas can ever penetrate.

Keep loving with your whole heart and practicing AYP -- and you'll soon enough be living as simple, aware freedom beyond imagination.

You're *way* past the hardest part.

Just keep going -- and don't think so freakin' much.



As I said in another post some time back:

When in doubt, LOVE.

When not in doubt, LOVE.

... and if there's anyone I've ever seen who can pull *that* little trick off .... it'd be you, Brother Carson.



And, everyone --- per my posts the last couple of days:

This isn't a game.

It isn't a debate.

This isn't a "try it and see".

AYP WORKS.

For REAL.

The way to (pick your term) Enlightenment, Salvation, Realization, Liberation, Nirvana, Buddhahood, Christ Consciousness, etc. etc. etc. ... which is the actual unborn infinite eternal nature of the unbound awareness reading these words .... the unbound awareness pointed to by every valid spiritual tradition in the entire history of the world, all over the world .... has been distilled, organized and simply presented by Yogani.

Actual Realization is available - to everyone reading this.

For FREE (you don't have to buy the books; though it's well worthwhile to do so --- everything you need for self-realization is available right here, on this web site, for free.)

ALL you have to do is keep practicing and not get mired in ideas.

If it takes you more than a small handful of years, it's *because* you got caught up in ideas.

You can't miss it; it's who you really *are*.

And, on the one hand ... yeah, I diverted into general pronouncement ... but on the other hand:

This one's for you, Brother Carson!



You've already got it, man ----- love, practice, repeat.

That's ALL.



"C'Mon In - The Divine is FINE!"

Heart is Where the AUM Is,

Kirtanman

[Goddessinside]

[8)]
_/\\_

[riptiz]

Hi Carson,
 

quote:I don't usually worry about offending people or care about what people think of me.

I suggest you study the yamas and niyamas to be more complete in your sadhana. I don't mean this in a derogatory way but maybe you will make more sense of your thoughts.
Many have spoken about how subconsciously you may have wanted your wife to read the mentioned post but nobody has spoken of how she may have been attracted spiritually to read it.Perhaps this is a lesson for both of you that was meant to be.You wrote it and never expecting her to read it.She never reading your posts in the past and then being attracted to read it.Makes you wonder why doesn't it?
L&L
Dave

[CarsonZi]

Namaste Kirtanman!

quote:Originally posted by Kirtanman

Brother Carson!
We meet @ last!

A pleasure to formally "meet" you!  I can tell that you are deeply rooted in Truth and I enjoy reading all you write.

quote:Originally posted by Kirtanman

Dude (<- Californian for "Sri" ) ...

Love it....Here in Canada we go all the way for "Duder" and don't stop at just Dude.  But we Canadians do everything 110% or not at all so[]...."Just Give 'Er!" Hahaha

quote:Originally posted by Kirtanman

we have *so* much in common, background-wise & interest in various things-wise, it's not even funny, eh? (<- I'm fluent in Californian *&* Canadian ).

Ooooh....Multi-lingual....aren't we fancy[]....

quote:Originally posted by Kirtanman

More on that soon, I'm sure!
In the meantime, though -- I hope you and your wife are feeling better at the moment -- sometimes stuff has to "get a bit painful" in order to heal -- and true loving/true connecting *is* the balm that heals ... and the balm that minimizes and transmutes all pain -- and it sounds like you two have that loving in a rather awesome, yet very-real abundance.

Actually things haven't been better and I have to admit I'm pretty surprised at this.  I had my third esoteric accupuncture treatment last night right before my Buddhist principles class and it was heavy.  I spent most of the treatment outright balling.  She (my accupuncturist, see her picture at the bottom of the page here: http://chirozone.ca/practitioners.htm) did a body scan and could see a blockage in my 2nd chakra likely pertaining to a relationship issue.  I told her about what had happened here in this situation.  She told me that this month and up until the end of May there is an astrological pattern of energy that is basically like a "Cosmic Detox" going on. (Neptune energy I think she said)  People all over the place are having deep issues surface right now and are working through them successfully with the help of the Cosmic energy that is going on right now. (she learned of this from her guru who is a Shaman who specializes in "Soul Retrieval" and is very knowledgable about astrology)  She says that we should take advantage of this time and work as hard as we can to resolve all the issues that are surfacing right now.  So she said she wanted to kinda push it this session and not relax too much.  You can read about my first two accupuncture sessions here: http://www.aypsite.com/plus-forum/index.php?topic=5342 ....  Anyways, she put some needles in the 2nd Chakra area on my back and I had some seriously violent reactions.  Normally when she hits a sweet spot it hurts a little and then subsides, and the first 4 needles in the 2nd Chakra were like this, but the 5th/last one hurt SOOOOO bad it felt like my back was on fire, literally.  This concerned the her a little and she took it out and moved it a bit into a spot that didn't hurt so bad going in but the pain from the last poke stayed for almost 10 minutes.  This also sent me into another violent shaking fit (similar to the one described in my linked post).  My legs went really tense and vibrated so hard they were bouncing off the table.  My whole body was shaking but my legs were the worst.  She told me to breath light into the second chakra but it took several minutes to get to a point where I was able to take more then a very shallow breath.  After about 10 minutes the shaking subsided into a feeling of just tension in the 2nd chakra.  The accupuncturist then told me that she wanted to press on and not sit this one out and relax, she asked if I was willing.  Of course I was.  She then led me through a meditation to release anger and frustration (I had told her in a previous session about my lifelong tendency towards anger).  She told me to picture in my mind the first time I remembered getting angry.  This was easy for me as this moment comes up regularly for me in inquiry.  This was a time when I was 3 years old.  She explained to me that usually between the ages of 1 and 3, this is when we fully buy into the seperation idea and that some of us can be very traumatized by this and this is often at the root of many anger issues (angry at being led to believe and perpetuate a lie).  I don't remember the exact details of my situation other then where I was, who I was angry with, and the feeling of anger.  She told me to focus on the feeling of anger for a second, and to FEEL that feeling of anger but not to dwell on it.  I was already balling my eyes out at this point.  I don't really know why, but it was happening.  I was just kinda witnessing it and not partaking in the drama of it.  Next she told me to move on to the next moment I could remember of being angry.  This again was easy, I had thought about this time many many times in the past.  She brought me through many of the main angry moments in my life and had me feel the anger and then move on to the next scene.  After a little bit of this, we caught up to semi current times and we moved onto the second part.  She had me visualize myself on a path that is covered with debris.  I had tools like a shovel, a broom and a water hose with which I was to clear the debris to the LEFT(past) side of the path.  The tears fell hard as I eventually cleaned my path and then laid down on it to merge with it.  The release was incredible.  I am still integrating it now.  I was told to do this meditation once a day for a minimum of 7 days and a maximum of 21 and to do a specific herbal detox/cleanse.  This was an hour and a half of great healing for myself.  I then went to my Buddhist principles class in which we are studying the Four Noble Truths right now.  The insight into suffering here was so synchronistic with what I am going through right now that I basically spent the entire class in a transcendent state.  THEN I went home to my wife.  Right now I am trying to finish a tattoo portfolio as I was recently offered a job in B.C. as a tattoo artist.  This opportunity fell from the sky as I haven't spent much time drawing in the past few years and it is too hard to get into the industry so I never would have bothered to try.  But this opportunity is there and so I am trying to sieze it.  Anyways, so my wife and I are sitting at our table both of us working on drawing and we are talking about what she read on the forum.  The awareness and the love was overflowing and incredibly intoxicating as well as healing.  We ended up making love to the point where I thought I was going to explode. Literally.  I have never had an orgasm like I did last night.  It lasted a full 15 minutes and had me doing automatic bastrika pranayam and having full out spontaneous kriyas and asanas.  Never had that before.  Anyways, to make a long story short (hahahahaha, that's a funny joke eh?) I think we are healing well.

quote:Originally posted by Kirtanman

You love each other.
You know you love each other.
You love each other even when stuff hurts.
All the rest is details; life happening; that's all.

Yes....and life has it's own agenda and I should just learn to get outta the way!!

quote:Originally posted by Kirtanman

Real Love, as you know (I remember you talking about Greg Baer's book here at the forum) involves being Wrong, Being Seen ... and Being Loved.

Can't experience Real Love if you are being dishonest with yourself or others.

quote:Originally posted by Kirtanman

You're doing all three, in utter authenticity.

Well, it was kinda forced.....but it's authentic none the less[].

quote:Originally posted by Kirtanman

And I betcha just about anything: your wife sees this, and knows this, and loves you for it.

It certainly seems this way, and I am pleasantly surprised.  In the past relationship I was in this would have triggered lasting catastrophic emotional trauma.

quote:Originally posted by Kirtanman

Sure, she read some stuff that triggered some ideas that she can loop in mind-emotions about ... we all have those, until we mostly-don't, anymore --- and she also read some stuff that, I'm guessing, from a woman's perspective, caused her to see how truly loved she is -- and how much of yourself you're willing to share, in order to overcome something you've been confused about -- in order to love her even more.

I really hope so.  I read through what was written and I wish I had not said a lot of stuff, but I hope she read the deeper meaning behind the words.  I think she got at least a little of it subconsciously if not consciously.

quote:Originally posted by Kirtanman

If she somehow missed this ..... tell her to read the thread again.

Haha....uh, maybe we'll just leave that alone for now[]

quote:Originally posted by Kirtanman

All this surface-mind conflict "stuff" is the part of the iceberg that's above the surface ... the 9/10ths that's below the surface .... *that's* where you and she are one iceberg. And you both know it. This wouldn't be playing out like it is, if that wasn't true.

Agreed and I really like the analogy, thank you.

quote:Originally posted by Kirtanman

Just drop your ideas about *everything* - sexual attraction, hurting people, being "better" in the future (there is no future, and there is no "better" -- the ocean of IDEAS is the toughest obstacle we all face, *apparently* ..... which is why it's symbolized as the Red Sea in the story of Moses, and it's symbolized as the ocean between India and Lanka in the story of Rama, Sita & Hanuman.)
Moses is Bhakti/Love.
Hanuman is Bhakti/Love.
YOU are Bhakti/Love (whoever is reading these words; whoever is writing these words ).
Do you love enough to transcend ideas, and love reality as all you are?
Yes, it's a rhetorical question.
You know the answer -- know your self as the answer -- much more deeply than ideas of doubt or doubtful ideas can ever penetrate.
Keep loving with your whole heart and practicing AYP -- and you'll soon enough be living as simple, aware freedom beyond imagination.

Thank you Kirtanman....this is beautiful and you are very right.

quote:Originally posted by Kirtanman

You're *way* past the hardest part.

Maybe, but who knows for sure.  I welcome the trauma now as I realize that as the Buddha says:
"The path to Happiness and a sense of well-being in this very life lies not in avoiding suffering but in using the conscious, embodied, direct experience of it as a vehicle to gain deep insight into the true nature of life and your own experience of it."

quote:Originally posted by Kirtanman

Just keep going -- and don't think so freakin' much.

You got it Brother Kirtanman!

quote:Originally posted by Kirtanman

As I said in another post some time back:
When in doubt, LOVE.
When not in doubt, LOVE.
... and if there's anyone I've ever seen who can pull *that* little trick off .... it'd be you, Brother Carson.

Thank you, that is very kind of you to say.

quote:Originally posted by Kirtanman

And, everyone --- per my posts the last couple of days:
This isn't a game.
It isn't a debate.
This isn't a "try it and see".
AYP WORKS.
For REAL.
The way to (pick your term) Enlightenment, Salvation, Realization, Liberation, Nirvana, Buddhahood, Christ Consciousness, etc. etc. etc. ... which is the actual unborn infinite eternal nature of the unbound awareness reading these words .... the unbound awareness pointed to by every valid spiritual tradition in the entire history of the world, all over the world .... has been distilled, organized and simply presented by Yogani.
Actual Realization is available - to everyone reading this.
For FREE (you don't have to buy the books; though it's well worthwhile to do so --- everything you need for self-realization is available right here, on this web site, for free.)
ALL you have to do is keep practicing and not get mired in ideas.
If it takes you more than a small handful of years, it's *because* you got caught up in ideas.
You can't miss it; it's who you really *are*.
And, on the one hand ... yeah, I diverted into general pronouncement ... but on the other hand:
This one's for you, Brother Carson!

Thank you....you are preaching to the choir.

quote:Originally posted by Kirtanman

You've already got it, man ----- love, practice, repeat.
That's ALL.

Thank you Kirtanman for taking the time to make such a beautiful post.  You are loved like a brother.

Love,
Carson[^]

[CarsonZi]

Hi Dave....

quote:Originally posted by riptiz

quote:I don't usually worry about offending people or care about what people think of me.

I suggest you study the yamas and niyamas to be more complete in your sadhana. I don't mean this in a derogatory way but maybe you will make more sense of your thoughts.

I wasn't meaning what I said in the way you took it I don't think....what I was meaning was that I don't take things personally anymore.  I live my life according to the yamas and niyamas, I just don't worry if other people have a problem with me anymore.  If they do it's usually cause they have a problem not me.  I try to stay conscious of all my words and actions so I usually am pretty good at staying withing my "yogic bounds".

quote:Originally posted by riptiz

Many have spoken about how subconsciously you may have wanted your wife to read the mentioned post but nobody has spoken of how she may have been attracted spiritually to read it.Perhaps this is a lesson for both of you that was meant to be.You wrote it and never expecting her to read it.She never reading your posts in the past and then being attracted to read it.Makes you wonder why doesn't it?

Yes, too synchonistic to be coincidence I agree.  It is all part of the "Cosmic Detox" I talk about above I think.  Have a wonderful day.

Love,
Carson[^]

[searcher]

Carson, this may be off topic but are you still taking any recreational drugs on a daily basis? I understand you used to have a drug problem and I am wondering if you are clean from all drugs and alcohol use now?