Fear of people.Boys and girls.

[miguel]

Definitely i think im defferent from lot of people.I have had all my life the feeling that i dont fit.Always,when im knowin new people,all its ok.But whit the passing of time,and i begin to show my self,people look me like a freak boy.I cant be other person.Im just my self´
I have a behavior that lot of eople dont understand.The look at me when being my self and i know they laugh at me inside their selfes.
I lose concentration easily,i often have strange reactions that people dont understand,dreaming all day...
I feel different.I look at them and i speak,and have good moments...but,i cant connect.Always,there is a wall.
I feel really bad sometimes with other people.They think im quite a character.
In the other hand,i have lot of fears to the people.When im begining to have a good relationship with a person,i begin to develope fear about something i see inside that person (maybe pure imaagination),and i experience a block.And i can give that person all that can offer.
This things made me go far from people.I only experience peace on my own.I am my only friend much times.But i need the others as human being,but there is a big wall.
I began in spiritual path for this reason.Trying to understand my self,and all of this suffering.Trying to find my centre,my self,my peace.Who am I.Why im here.Whats beyond all this scenary.
I have fear of boys.I have always very good relations with girls.But i dont have success with girls.I feel and i know they look at me like a girl too (they always say me it).I connect with girls in a female form.Im too developed the female side.I get frustated,because they like the male side.But i cant show that.Im more feminine.
I writing this here trying to find an answer,or some people who feels like me,or felt this in the past.
Thanks.

[YogaIsLife]

Hi Miguel.

Just wanted to say that what you feel is very normal, not so uncommon, and will pass with time. It's teh tiranny of the mind. I used to feel like that A LOT but I noticed that all those "worries" start to lose their grip gradually as I grow older (I am now an almost respectful 32 year-old! ). I am much more at easy. That does not mean that there are still no challenges. Life IS challenges!

You say you started spiritual practice to understand that suffering. I think you started for the right reasons. I think you will get there. I think, for your case, because it seems to me to be not so unlike mine, a practice of mantra meditation like AYP can indeed be very useful. It was to me. Stick with it for some months and see how it feels. It disciplinates the mind. It brings it to rest, to focus. You realise that this floods over to your daily life and affect everything around you. You become better able to see your reactions for what they are, form a certain detachment. You also will be able, gradually, to do better, more conscious, choices, having loosen the chain from your "fearful" monkey-mind. Being conscious of the present moment and of all the things that arise in you is another part of the process, enhanced by the mechnaics of deep meditation. On that I can suggest you read Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now. It helped me. So, on one side you train your mind to stillness with mantra meditation, on the other just be easily aware of your present moment and thoughts. Things will click together

I wish you all the best and keep sharing to your heart satisfaction.

[miguel]

Thanks yogaislife.
I think i fit with spirtual path very well.I feel very comfortable.
Ayp meditation works very fast.
I have peolple around me that accept my self and respect me.Im 26 now,i made lot of preogress in my life with people this last years.Before,it was a horrible nightmare very often.
I have found my path,the path of reaching THAT what i am.
I began spiritual path in part because of lot of confusion in my life.The way of discovering the truth of my self.I feel lot of guide very often.Im reading selfinquiry book.What a great book.Lot of wisdom in that book.It has a studied structure.Yogani takes your hand and guides you along the book.I love it.That book fills me with joy and bliss.The promise of the real state of witness.
When i saw this book for the first time,i felt a connection because o his beautiful tittle and  in special the external colour of the book: Dawn of witness,the end of suffering....i love the word "dawn" in the tittle.It sounds it (we),the witness, comes to rescue us from ilusion.And thats the truth.
Thanks and love.

[markern]

maybe try this: www.charismaarts.com

It works realy well for most people

[miguel]

Thanks markern.I looked that website, But i preffer to cultivate the witness for go beyond the mental limitations.I tried in the past things like this,and helps.But i think they are more mental stuff over the mind.And i have lot of this.But thanks.
Yogaislife,i read the power of now,and practicing the power of now too,in the past.I liked it very much.
Thanks.

[markern]

OK just be aware that cultivating witness etc. do not remove all sorts of psychological problems etc.  a lot of problems just disapear and all problems seemed to be lessened but there is a danger to think that somehow all pains and problems of ordinary life will be solved by spiritual life and that is never the case.

[miguel]

Yes,i know.
When i began with spiritual path,i had an attitude of using it like a drug,triying to forget the problems.It ended in much frustation and pain.

Yoga is a tool,not the end,"That" is the end.
Now I accept life,trying to bring consciousness to life (in good and bad moments) by my self.Im in a process now of returning to the world slowly.Its not easy.But now i return with yoga practices as a tool and all that i learned in spiritual path in the past.
Thanks for that important advice.

[Etherfish]

The spiritual path can't be depended on to end all problems, but if you straighten out the rest of your life at the same time as twice daily practices, YOU can end your suffering.

You sound very much like me, Miguel only I'm 59 and have ended most of those problems you write about. You just need to change your focus a little and those things won't bother you anymore.

You need to strengthen your self mentally so that you don't care what other people think. This will happen automatically from yoga practice. just make the decision that you will always be different from other people, and you are going to ignore how other people feel about that.
Then put that in practice. Ignore them. Just be the weird guy you are, and don't try to change, and don't care if anyone likes you or not.

You are "needing" them too much now, and that makes people act weird.

You could be the strangest guy in the world, and if you ignore everybody's reaction to that,
you will find some people like you anyway. So, be a little tougher in your treatment of them,
and ironically they will soften their treatment of you. It doesn't make sense, but just try it.

The reason they act weird toward you is because you are projecting a fear that you are not OK.
How can you not be OK? I assume you are not doing things that are grossly illegal or immoral, right?
So just decide that you are doing the best you can, and if people don't like that, they can stay away. You will be surprised at the results of this attitude.
Once you decide you are fine on your own, and don't need people, they will treat you better.
It's a hard transition to make because we all need people. But what can you lose? You don't have what you need right now, so you have nothing to lose.

Here is the key: People react to how you feel about yourself.

First you MUST learn to be strong and accept yourself without anyone liking you.
Then people will feel comfortable around you, and treat you better.

[miguel]

Thanks etherfish.

[CarsonZi]

Hi Miguel and All...

I am kinda going through something similar Miguel, and I wrote about it here: http://www.aypsite.com/plus-forum/index.php?topic=5342  
But I have found, and I think one of the things Miguel is trying to say, is that in social settings it's difficult not to "pick up" on other peoples "energy" and "issues".  And we end up wondering if they are our own.  Being male, yet more in touch with the feminine side, combined with advanced Yoga practices, can enhance this issue I think.  Is there anything I, and Miguel can do to keep from picking up on other's energy so easily and identifying with it so strongly? (Please forgive me Miguel if I have intuited wrong how you are feeling)

Love,
Carson[^]

[Etherfish]

Yes it's what I wrote above, by strengthening your image of yourself. It is not a problem identifying empathetically with other people when you are strong within yourself.

[miguel]

Hi Carson,and thanks for answering.Very Good vibrations from you,men,in this and other posts i read in the forum.
Yes,what you describe happens to me frecuently.I feel like being absorved by other people.I lose my centre frecuently.It has created lot of problems in my life,because i do things that i dont like really.This is called by others "lack of personality".
I always have felt that others rule my life.Im always dominated by others (mens and womens).
I really feel in peace in loneliness.I love a great natural spaces outside the city and without people.I feel people hurt me...i take their feelings,toughts,and i begin to act like them.And then i run away from them.Is to dificult to me the stability in relations with riends,girlfriends,parents...society...
Etherfish is right what you talk about.You have experience in life i think,i thought about it,but its not easy  for me puttig in to practice what you talk about.Its impossible being an island-man and strenght your self...
"You are "needing" them too much now, and that makes people act weird.". Thats the central problem too.I like to be alone,but when im with the others is difficult for me leave them after having a good time.In fact,i feel two different personalities inside me.One with the other,and the other personality alone.each They are very different(more in the past,now is balancing).Sometimes i feel i have some mental issue,but in the past i was in psyquiatrist for two months because i was wondering what happens inside me (and i had great depression and anxiety) and he didnt detected serious issues.Only "soft2 issues,like upset of personality,border-line...but noting serious like skizo or similar.

I think me (and Carson[]) need something more practical,more...i dont know what...
I know all this problems carried me to yoga,and i know yoga will help me a lot in reaching my own peace in life.I was born for discover my real self.
Know,this problems are softer than in the past.Imagine how was my teenage...
Thanks guys.

[Jack]

Consider reading "No More Mr Nice Guy" by Robert Glover.

Despite the garish title, this book sheds a LOT of light on the kind of issues you appear to be demonstrating, and goes into the cause of this behaviour, how it affects you, and what you can do to bring yourself back to integration.

Jack

[miguel]

Hi jack and Thanks.Ill take a look to that book.

[Etherfish]

What worked well for me is finding an activity that i really like, and put a lot of effort into it. For me it is dance, common for guys with a strong feminine side, but pick whatever is best for you. preferably something that helps you express yourself.
then you can imagine an image of what kind of person you could be if you were good at that thing and could express yourself very well.
I decided I would be a good dancer, and people may admire me for expressing myself and I wouldn;t care if I had no close friends. I would be absorbed in my dance.
So I put a lot of constant effort into it, and it has transformed me. Of course all the while i was meditating regularly also.

So the activity has to be something you really like.