My Experience with Self-Pacing (AYP & Depression)

[mr_anderson]

In August 2010 I began twice daily AYP practises.
(5 mins SBP + 20 mins DM).

Considerable positive experiences: ecstatic energy awakening, vastly enhanced peace, freedom from much attachment/aversion.

However after 6 months of practise there was the tendency to overload, and overload would express itself either as depression or tendency to snap at others (and often both! )

I tried multiple grounding / self-pacing techniques: cutting down meditation time, changing DM to breath watching, exercise, rajasic food, drinking alcohol etc.

Alcohol works pretty well, but getting drunk is a pretty sure way to cut-off your spiritual progress altogether too.

I finally found what works best for me: taking a day off, everytime I'm starting to overload. It was a simple solution, but with very strong bhakti, I found it very hard to force myself to stop meditating. A voice in my head would say - "go on, just meditate, screw the overload, just do it for a few minutes".

Since late December 2010, continuous periods of twice daily meditation for more than a week or so would turn me into a complete mess. There’s just a mournful melancholy, which can be beautiful.  

However, as soon as I desist meditation when experiencing overload, it's as though I allow the fruition of the meditation to flow into experience, there is great joy, vast peacefulness and silence. I am reborn each time.

I find having ‘days off’ from meditation – once or twice a week, is remarkably useful (in fact it is the only way I can continue to meditate regularly without suffering states of intense confusion and despair). During these days off, I become very grounded and highly effective at work again. I also feel cleaned out from the inside, and as light and happy as air.

So hoping this advice might help someone like me, who is very intense, and has very intense emotions and bhakti, just take a break! I was massively reluctant to give myself a break, thinking that I would somehow miss out on spiritual progress if I took a break. But taking breaks is now the only way I can go on.

[maheswari]

quote:I tried multiple grounding / self-pacing techniques: cutting down meditation time, changing DM to breath watching, exercise, rajasic food, drinking alcohol  etc.

ok about all of them except for alcohol...it is NOT a grounding technique.....

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http://www.aypsite.com/plus-forum/index.php?topic=2109&SearchTerms=alcoholalso there is this recent thread that you might useful

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http://www.aypsite.com/plus-forum/index.php?topic=9995

[faileforever]

Thank you mr anderson for sharing this, I can definitely relate!![]

[jeff]

Thanks for sharing.  Makes a lot of sense.

Living life itself can be an excellent practice...

[innercall]

I really know what you're talking about.

Reducing practices was very difficult for me, and still is in a way,  because of intense bhakti but this has been the only way to continue and stay in balance for me too.

All the best to you.

[mr_anderson]

maheswari - thank you. I added the blush emoticon after drinking alcohol, as I put it under self pacing techniques with tongue in cheek. I do not really perceive drinking as a valid self pacing technique. However you're right - the clear differentiation should've been made there.

faileforever, innercall, jeff - thanks. I'm glad you relate.

[Nathan]

That's good advice about taking a day/days off during the week. If I pick up DM again, I might try a day off a week to let things digest. I know what you mean Mr Anderson about it being hard to do though.