I am desensitised

[Lili]

Hi Folks,

Today I woke up in a very weird state - I just don't feel anything. E.g. on the street when seeing people I would normally think stuff about them (positive or negative) now I just see them passing as if in a dream. At work while listening to the radio normally i would feel something now I don't feel anything. Not sure this makes sense--for me it is very strange. There is no stress as such but on the other hand I can't get enthusiastic either.

[Suryakant]

quote:Originally posted by Lili

Hi Folks,

Today I woke up in a very weird state - I just don't feel anything. E.g. on the street when seeing people I would normally think stuff about them (positive or negative) now I just see them passing as if in a dream. At work while listening to the radio normally i would feel something now I don't feel anything. Not sure this makes sense--for me it is very strange. There is no stress as such but on the other hand I can't get enthusiastic either.

Sounds like an early inkling of equanimity. Feelings will return. You will once again experience awareness of feelings, but you will no longer identify yourself with them, since you will be aware of their inherently unreal, dreamlike, transient nature.

[Lili]

Hi Suryakant,

But this is scary--this implies a degree of separation / disconnect with the rest of the people and the human condition. Also it means that it will not be possible to be "happy" any more as i will not be able to identify with happiness.

[Shanti]

Hi Lili,
Just want you to know:
One, this is a phase, it will go away. It is purification.
Two, you will be happy beyond your imagination. Yes, what this phase does is help you unlearn your mind's ideas of happiness, drop your mind's concepts of happiness, drop your mind's imagination of happiness and when you learn to trust the process and let go... kinda free fall... trust your practice... you will get to experience organic happiness, the kind a child experiences before s/he identifies objects with mind and develops concepts of happiness and joy.

The disconnect is only temporary. So don't worry about it.

[Suryakant]

What Shanti said is right on, Lili.

[Lili]

Thanks folks--what can I say--hope you're rigt[] although not completely sure I understand what you mean at this point in time.

There are elements of "happiness" e.g. asanas feel much better than ever before. Also I tend to be calmer (e.g. this weekend i had to work some hours on both Saturday and Sunday and I am fine with it--normally would have gotten worked up). But, for some time now, I think that I have turned myself into a passive observer of life rather than living it if you know what I mean. I am afraid that it should be more than what I currently do (or rather not do [8)])in my free time--mostly vegetating under the influence of strong energy currents, not interested in social life or stuff that is not "spiritual" or under the umbrella of "self-improvement".

[Katrine]

Hi Lili

Like Shanti says, you are doing just fine.

Your sharing reminded me of Yoganis lessons here:

http://www.aypsite.com/plus/333.html

http://www.aypsite.com/plus/357.html

http://www.aypsite.com/plus/350.html

Also - if you have the Self-Inquiry book available - maybe read again about the different stages we go through (part of what you are going through is described there) while we at the same time continuously open and surrender at the same time.

All the best Lili!

[Lili]

Hi Katrine and folks,

Thanks--maybe i need to get the Self Inquiry book as you suggest. At the moment reduced practice time to try and get out of the condition.

The issue is that at the moment even reading a book and asking the question "who am I" also seem irrelevant and distant. It's like everything is irrelevant . When i get out of work and go home all that happens is that i sit or lie down and feel strong energy currents coming out of my hands and feet (or moving around elsewhere). So i wind up spending hours in this state and have to push myself to do even simple chores or go to the grocery store. I couldn't make myself to read a book or ask myself questions. I don't want to spend my life like that . We'll see--maybe it will go away with the reduced practice time. Thanks for pitching in--i won't whine any more in here

[Shanti]

It is a phase Lili... it will go away.

One suggestion, do some grounding stuff. It takes a bit to push yourself from this state of inertia... but get some fast paced music on while doing your chores and move to the music... go out with friends... enjoy a big dinner... do something that will get you moving. Exercise, go for walks... even if you feel like you don't feel like moving... push yourself... you will see in 15 min you will be completely into it.

But again, it is a phase and it does go away. So please don't be disheartened.

[Lili]

Hi Shanti,

Thx for the encouragement. Did as you suggested, plus reduced meditation to 10 min/session, but for now not getting results yet. Will reduce meditation to 5 min over the comming week and see what happens.

This condition is really strange in that it kind of wipes out everything. E.g. i have a fear of hights--but now i am able to use transparent elevators for the first time. I don't think my fobia disappeared, i think i just have no access to the feeling of fear at this point in time. Anyway--will see how it goes. Cheers, Lili