Thanks for answers! Sorry I haven't seen this until now!
Sadhak, didn't get a word of what you meant! Needs editing!
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But I have a feeling that that kind of question would only add another one that is difficult to answer!
Etherfish, "If the doormat never allowed anyone to walk on them, they wouldn't get in a relationship where it is possible." Definitely agree! Relationships in which you are treated as a doormat only serves as pain inducers until you see your own patterns. Then you have no reason at all to go into such a relationship again. But it takes awareness to come to that state.
Wolfang, your question is highly relevant I think, in order to achieve that awareness! "Do I FEEL being treated as a door mat?" I'd say now, from experience, that if you have the slightest feeling of that, and has to ask yourself the question "Am I being treated as a doormat?" then YOU ARE! How can I be so sure? Well, it is simply so, that truth and love stemming from inner silence can not create negativity. Only non-aware-ego-mind-stuff can! And ego-mind is selfish, often wounded, and what we are fully occupied to do when we are unaware is to project our own negativity onto others. (Spreading the poison around, as Don Miquel Ruiz puts it).
In short, if you were treated with full respect and love the doubt would never surface!
And as you say, then I have two choices, but I would say they are independent of the person's intent. Unconscious and conscious samskaras projected on you are same, same but different.
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1. To recognize the feeling and love the person for what he/she is, because you are now aware of the doormat situation and can work on spreading your love and awareness to your partner from there, as suggested earlier in this thread.
2. To recognize the feeling and leave the person, because you are now aware of the doormat situation and since it doesn't serve you any longer, you are ready for something else, and hopefully the next relationship will be a non-doormat one.
Another experience is that if you are in a relationship where "doormat" is on the board, it is seldom only one part being a doormat. Since partners always suit each other perfectly, you are probably both doormats, but perhaps in different areas and in different ways. It may seem as if one is the obvious doormat, but the other one needs something from that relationship as well, therefore being equally trapped in (being a slave to) some kind of negative, self-destructive pattern!
And you don't have to worry about making the decision to stay or not! The decision will make itself, in exactly the right time, and you just have to follow!
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That one I learned from Byron Katie, and it has proved to be so accurate! I am overwhelmed over the "no need to decide"-state I live with nowadays! Life is getting very easy. And I detect doormat situations faster and faster.
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Thanks for your wonderful replies to my question. I hope Athma_Shakti who started the topic gets something out of the discussion!