Explosions, Emptiness, Hate, Love, Ecstacy, Union

[eyeknownothing]

First thank you to yogani and the wonderful people of AYP for the ways in which this forum and the AYP lessons have changed my life. I would've never imagined this new world in my wildest dreams.

I'd been growing more and more comfortable in the witness, expanding my spiritual practices, and becoming more aware of the mirror in front of us for several months when I had an intense experience in a movie theatre with some friends while high on cannabis. Intense surges of energy began to rock my heart chakra and intensified to the point where I felt like I was about to explode. Meanwhile, I felt completely dead and empty in a mind-bogglingly pleasurable way, and suddenly the pratyaharya I'd intended and nonduality I'd felt so many times in sitting practices erupted and I became one with the theatre and everything in it. I felt an intense sense of urgency, like "this is it," like I could choose to live or die, and I felt as if I was being cowardly by resisting this flow of energy, but fear arose and I thought "What if I die and leave a mess of a dead body for my friends to deal with?" Afterward I felt like I'd missed some chance to really let go of old blockages, but similar experiences continued.

That was in early December, and since then I have had a few similar experiences both high and sober while becoming more comfortable in nonduality and empty-mindedness. However, I still succumb to allowing my fellow subconscious source projections, my environment and objects of perception, to terrify me at times while I struggle to allow myself to release fears and doubts.

Truthfully, I spent a lot of the past few months struggling with a sort of existential despair, during the spasms of which I would find the people around me actually looking physically different. In retrospect, I see this as just some more of the the universe stretching me out on a rack to silence my conditioning. I occasionally still struggle with this feeling but then I remember to release such thoughts and dive into the cosmic flow of the moment, whereupon ecstacy floods me and I'm often awash in tears of joy at the beauty and perfection of our oneness and the new aspects of it which you have all opened up to me. I've cried more in the past few months by far than my entire life combined.

I know many yogis have spoken against cannabis. I know that it can easily become a crutch and that excesses are wasteful and foolish, but it seems to me that controlled experimentation can sort of give glimpses further into innocence by dissolving our conditioned walls of illusion. It seems to me that an important aspect of spiritual development is developing iron self-control that holds one's soul open by the gentlest touch possible, and I think psychedelics can intensify this process while throwing it to extremes. However, they are nothing compared to the wonders of ayp and the power of solar love.

I'd really appreciate advice from anyone who can relate to times like these.

Thank you. So, so much. Namaste

[Bodhi Tree]

Greetings Eye,

Your post here resonates deeply with me.

I first smoked pot when I was 16 (I'm 30 now), and it was quite a mind-blowing experience. I nearly blacked out due to the sensory flashes that occurred. It was like reality was being perceived in split-frames--flashing in between the void and manifestation--back and forth, back and forth. Finally, I was able to resolve the seeming disparity, and what resulted was a blissful state of the witness surveying both my mind and all its surroundings. The resolution of the flashes was due to surrender--not an act of will or mental understanding.

Naturally, I started to explore other psychedelics, and that drifted into even more drugs (pills, cocaine, alcohol, etc.)...until finally, I got burned out. The initial consciousness-expanding experience was not able to be re-created, and in fact, the use of psychedelics and the rest of the substances only dimmed and dulled my perception of life. But, I am an addict by blood, so I took it to extremes (not much moderation). So, I'm not trying to recommend to you a complete abstinence, but for me, that is what it took.

I had a strong kundalini experience while sober about 1.5 years ago now. I believe it was brought on by a variety of factors--sobriety and a clear nervous system being a primary one. Also, I was in my Saturn's return (I notice in your other post that you like astrology ). I had not been meditating, but I had been stimulating the third eye vigorously by holding a coin to my forehead using energetic focus (kind of like sambhavi mudra).

Anyway, my main mission and bhakti is to experience divinity in a permanent way--one that does not require substances to induce such a state. I want to trip/be stoned in the most natural way, and 24/7. AYP seems to provide a way to accomplish that, and so far, daily practice has yielded some real results. Just today, I was admiring the beauty of my grandfather, my grandmother, some butterflies in the yard...AND as I type this from the desk in my office, I feel a subtle current of ecstatic bliss flowing through my channels. It helps me talk to my co-workers in nearby desks, and it moves my voice in a glowing, radiant way as I answer the telephone.

Glad you're here.

[maheswari]

quote:Just today, I was admiring the beauty of my grandfather, my grandmother, some butterflies in the yard...AND as I type this from the desk in my office, I feel a subtle current of ecstatic bliss flowing through my channels.  It helps me talk to my co-workers in nearby desks, and it moves my voice in a glowing, radiant way as I answer the telephone.

[eyeknownothing]

Awesome, thanks! I can really resonate with the positive effects of the outlook you describe.

Do you mean you walk around with a coin electrified/magnetized to your head? Please teach me your magic tricks I'm assuming it's a matter of focused conductivity?

[tonightsthenight]

Hey Eyeknow...

I use cannabis occasionally and purely for the spiritual aspect of the plant.

I understand the warnings; cannabis can overload the system of sensitive individuals and send you to places you aren't ready for. You already pointed out the potential for addiction.

However, cannabis can be a practice of its own. Used in the right way it can open doors to legitimate spiritual experiences. At least, I find this to be true in my case.  I will go months and sometimes a year without smoking, and then I will incorporate it into my practice for a month or so. It seems to loosen up the bonds of matter when used periodically.

[Bodhi Tree]

quote:Originally posted by eyeknownothing
Do you mean you walk around with a coin electrified/magnetized to your head? Please teach me your magic tricks I'm assuming it's a matter of focused conductivity?

It's pretty simple, but I wouldn't recommend it as a stand-alone practice, and it's essentially the same as sambhavi mudra:
http://www.aypsite.com/plus/56.html

If you're just sitting up, comfortably, you can gently hold a coin to your forehead with your pointer finger (in the center of the head, slightly above the eyebrows). Then you can begin to trust that by drawing concentration and energy to the coin's resting place, you will no longer need to hold it there with your finger. And sure enough, if you let go, eventually, the coin will stay in place (you can even point your head downward and move it from side to side--gently--to test the strength of the energetic hold). There's a kind of subtle suction-cup effect that occurs. The coin also draws heat from the body and feels warm to the touch. Of course, don't strain yourself in any of the process.

Again, it's just a parlor trick if not used in conjuction with deep meditation and other spiritual intentions and endeavors. But there it is.