Hello,
I am making this post because I am having some difficulty with my emotions and uncomfortable body sensations. I am wondering if this is a result of kundalini energies running amuck throughout my body and if so what I can do about it.
First a little background. Things seem to be running smooth for a time. After a break for a while from the AYP system I had worked back up to a general level of practice. Doing ten minutes of spinal breathing pranayama and 20 minutes of DM. This was comfortable and did not seem to be causing any problems.
I then decided to add mulubandha. The first time I did this I had rather strong pulsating sensations at the perineum and strong arousal. I had to lie down for a while after the sitting practices to stabilize the energy, because I felt shaky. These new sensations did not bother me though in fact it was quite pleasurable.
I continued to do the same level of practice for a time and now often in addition to the pulsating at the perineum I would get body jerks while doing SB, usually about half way up or half way down. This did not really cause me a great deal of concern or discomfort; I assumed it was just blocked energy. In addition my normal life outside of the practices seemed to be running smooth.
So with this I decided to add sambhavi to my practice. This really caused the activity at the perineum to increase as well as the arousal, which would carry over into the DM so much so that I would even have an occasional orgasm. This I did not like. It was a huge distraction. It should be noted that I had been doing siddhasana for a long time. This just happened to be the most confortable way for me to sit doing the practices. So with that being said I continued to do everything accept I cut out siddhasana during DM because I found the level of arousal to be way to distracting.
At this point I continued to get body jerks and pulsating at the perineum but in addition I would have an aching sensation at the perineum outside of the practices as well as body jerks. I also started to have mild burning sensations at the level of my sternum radiating to the right side of my chest.
I became concerned at this point about my health so I went to the doctor. Since then numerous test have been run as well as a referral to a gastroenterologist who performed even more test. They have not been able to find anything wrong with me and my doctor recommended psychological help.
The thing is, is that I have always at least in my mind been fairly stable emotionally and with my mental health so I have not taking that route yet.
So with all this going on I scaled back on the practices again for a time, just doing 5 minutes of SB and 10 minutes of DM without the siddhasana because I did not like the level of arousal it provoked. Things seem to stabilize a bit but I was still having body jerks and occasional aching at the perineum outside of the practices. Again I increased my level of practice back to doing 10 minutes SB with siddhasana, mulubandha and sambhavi along with 20 minutes DM. Things again became to intense at least with the arousal and perineum issues. So I quit doing everything all together and this is where I am at today.
Even with all these practices I have never experienced this inner bliss people talk about. No ecstatic surges of enegy up and down the spine,no visions, sounds, lights or anything all that pleasurable. I have found when the practices were going well a little more peace in my life, which is enough, however as the practices continue they seem to lead to more suffering than joy?
Currently I am having body jerks, mild burning sensations moving to different parts of my body (usually it feels like a mild burning at the surface of my skin which becomes highly sensitive to touch), occasional aching at the perineum, chest pain at the sternum level radiating to the right side of my chest. At one point my kidneys were aching but that went away, occasional anxiety,occasional shallow breathing, fatigue, anger issues lack of appetite, depression and helplessness. Today the top of my head is mildly burning.
So, I don’t know what to do. Is this a health issue or a Kundalini issue? All things I have studied says kundalini, but what am I supposed to do about it. I read Yogini’s lesson 69 and am trying those approaches. I am again doing 5 minutes of SB and 10 minutes DM, nothing else. No siddhasana, mulubandha or sambhavi. I am also taking a long rest period after the practices.
Should I quit doing everything all together or by doing a light practice will things hopefully stabilize? If so how long does it take to smoothe things out? It is very hard for me to do nothing and in fact it often makes me feel physically worse.I have a tremendous amount of bhakti and even with all the discomfort I feel like I should go on. However I don’t want to hurt myself in the process and to be honest this sucks! Any help or advice would be tremendously appreciated.
Heartfelt thanks.
WSH