In this post I described the latest relationship event in my present life time,
http://www.aypsite.com/plus-forum/index.php?topic=4047#34803It has turned out for the best in a miraculous way. I had since long ago decided to go to the retreat in Fiji, and the man mentioned in the above post decided to go with me. But two weeks before the retreat, he wanted to end the relationship, he could not give 100%. I tried to plead to his logical reasoning and asked if he didn't think it would be good to wait with any definite decision until AFTER the retreat? After all, it was a retreat about tantra and relationship between man and woman... He insisted on breaking up. I was ok with it.
The first night on the main island we gathered at the hotel in order to go all at once to the resort the next day with boat. At the dinner, I saw another man. Instant connection. Tantric energies started to blow off as we sat by the dinner table. We only had eye contact and we almost lifted from the chairs... If my ex had not insisted on breaking up, this would never have been possible, so I'm very grateful for his action.
The development of this meeting was awesome... During the 21 days, we went through a whole relationship, with all its ups and downs. We both realized it was an enormous opportunity to work through all our relationship patterns, and we were sort of holding a double intention... it could be a start of something steady and beautiful, or it could be a retreat opening, allowing us to do some pretty deep teamwork.
These days showed me clearly how a relationship is the ultimate test of the depths of ones realizations! If we can't live our knowings together with another being, we are not very trustworthy. Our present state in our relationship reflects our current depth in being. If our partner can trigger patterns so that they start to play out as anger, jealousy, resentment, withdrawal, blaming etc etc, we are not awake in the moment, but victims of conditional patterns again! And the patterns are ALWAYS there, ready to catch us, offering an identification with them instead of our True Self.
The difference of which address we connect from (True Self or my own personal self) can be felt in the level of frequency drop in the energies, it is felt in the increased activity of the mind, it is known as the lack of joy and love, it is known in the increased wanting of sex as a compensation for real intimacy... the neediness of the Other to be there FOR ME! The dependency, the missing and longing when s/he is not there with me... all due to separation and misidentification!
The contrast between that and the magical beauty that appears when being True together... the miracles occuring all over the place, the synchronicity in everything, the participation of the wind, the sun, the moon, the trees, the stars... When only touching eachother creates a cosmic explosion... the contrast is enormous!
I learned something new about myself, and the patterns that has ruled my life, every day of the retreat with that man. Of course this man also had the pattern of not being able to committ 100%!!! Wow! It turned out...
I was the one not being able to committ 100%! The (seemlingy) outside is always a perfect reflection of the inside. It has been my negativity to life (that I have written about before) that has been reflected in my relationships. If I don't committ to Life (The Goddess) 100%, how can I expect a partner to committ 100% to me - a reflection of The Goddess? It all became very clear to me! The last night before the last day we naturally ended the whole thing... which gave the opportunity to see all attachments that had sneaked in during the time spent together in spite of all conscious seeing and dissolving... The last boat trip home was a process of letting go of everything... and when that total letting go happened... and I had realized the theme of my life and the whole negativity complex, the strong energies were flowing again of course and we left off where we had started!
![[:D]](http://www.aypsite.com/plus-forum/Smileys/akyhne/icon_smile_big.gif "Big Smile")
Showing how that this 'letting go' must be a constant surrender... it is extremely easy to get FAMILIAR with the person we are with. We think we know the person, when in fact we don't... ever! It is a new man or a new woman every instant. And we must be so open and vulnerable and willing to receive everything that person presents to us.
To be that vulnerable, we must be ready to DIE every moment. It's impossible to be so ready to die if we have important things to DO or have future plans for OURSELVES (even if it is disquised as 'very important spiritual work for the world'[
]). Self-consideration reveals itself quickly in a relationship. As soon as I, me and my business is more important than being True to Love, my beloved, manifested as the man or woman I am with, there will be a drop in frequency and it will manifest as some type of PROBLEM or hassle... and we easily wish to blame the other for that problem... "If you only did this or that, or didn't do this or that, the problem would be no more". What a lie!
![[8D]](http://www.aypsite.com/plus-forum/Smileys/akyhne/icon_smile_cool.gif "Cool")
If we feel like saying that, it's the proof of our own self-consideration standing in the way of Real Love.
During the retreat, me and the man worked with Radical Honesty as our only tool. (Well, apart from The Form, a powerful transformative tool.) Radical honesty in our self-inquiry, in our feed-back to eachother, in our sharing of our present state of mind and emotion. It didn't matter how embarassing an issue was, it didn't matter how much garbage of the past we had to dig up, it didn't matter how uncomfortable a situation was... we went right into it with or without fear... we just grabbed the bull by its horns... and the reward was instant. Always. Instant. ACTION was the key. To act and test and go into it. To sit and wait was non-effective. As soon as one of us felt "nooo, don't wanna do that tonight... boring..." we knew "AHA! That's what we do tonight! It will be a challenge!" and it always gave a new key, a new piece to the puzzle.
I am forever grateful for these two men, my ex and the man at the retreat, who showed me everything! Or was it everything? Well... the next partner will be the proof of the pudding![:I]
When I came home, I had a newsletter from reuniting.info. A sufi text repeated what was the theme of the whole retreat, and I feel inclined to share it with you:
quote:
One must now come to the issue of the genders and that of man and woman. It is said that the biggest endeavour of the devil is to draw man and woman apart; there is even an Islamic hadith (saying) about it. There is also a saying by Prophet Muhammad that marriage is 'half of your religion'. It is sad that so many have not grasped the esoteric meaning behind this saying; as it refers directly to the balanced state of Immanence that is required after Transcendence is realised (or too often merely 'formalised') in religion. This is the former half that gives balance to the latter and thus helps bring closeness to the knowledge of God as opposed to the awful state of separation and lack of unity in which we now live.
It is said in the Quran that the husband and wife are garments for each other; and this has an important meaning. They are to complement each other and unite and become one harmony. Instead we have in the world; a state of distance and lack of unity between man and woman. We have socio-economic control, sexual exploitation, excessive emotionality and a total lack of presence and mutual respect of the equal roles of the two genders. These genders are subtle reflections of the Divine; and as long as they remain in a state of disharmony then the entire family and also the entire society will be affected by this unresolved disunity. One cannot become a balanced individual until the gulf between the sexes is filled with love and mutual support; not animalistic desire or materialistic ends. So subtle
and dynamic is the interplay between man and woman that it is a great
struggle to maintain this balance and yoga (union). The key is to bring spirituality into the marital relationship and to stay present and not allow the animal-mind to enter its habit of expectance, reflection or agitated discontent. This can only be done affectivley when one brings the subtle and imperceptible knowledge of the Transcendent into the marital connection in the daily life. This is what is known as dhikr (rememberance of the Divine). The subtle light of the absolute Transcendent is then filtered through the pure consciousness and grace of man and woman and in its manifest reflection of two individual souls uniting. We then realise that we are vessels of this reality, not posessors of it. We are responsible for both serving it and expressing it and this can only be done when every aspect of our relationship remains grounded in the present and not the excited agitation of the expectant animal soul. On the intimate level, passion is then redirected spiritually beyond the realms of lowly sensationalism and separation and into balanced unity. It is sad indeed that such a union of man and woman has been ignored for so long; with the tension between the two exploited by those who wish to cause great mischief upon the earth. Hedonism and promiscuity merely intensify the separation of man and woman; creating great sicknesses. The energies of the body are exploited for mere sensation in itself, thus starving any possible realisation of a divine reflection and harmony in daily-life.
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