Spiritual Soul Mates !

[jojo]

well said Near but how many people follow this. do u?

quote:Originally posted by nearoanoke

Very well put yogani. Nice to hear your wonderful views on relations and marriage.

I think it is right to say "just one of the partners is enough to build a successful marriage". Even Katie's work "Loving what is" has got good advice on successful relations. Like turning around statements, questioning uninvestigated beliefs and stories. Working out our marriage and giving our best is like a spiritual practice. God is not somewhere up in the skies but in our partner if we can really see him.

1. Serving the partner selflessly thinking from their viewpoint
2. preventing them from using u as doormat and yet forgiving their innocence when they try to do so
3. not forming opinions when they make mistakes. being non-judgemental
4. being as unattached/unrestrictive as a friend but yet loving the most

We can definitely guage our spiritual progress, by watching how we behave with our partner.

-Near

[sadhak]

Hi Athma Shakti,
I agree with Yogani: you put your soul into the relationship, and voila! You have your soul mate. (simplistic...but more or less true. Exceptions to the rule to be taken into account)
emc says: One problem for me at least is to KNOW when I am treated as a door mat. Anyone have a smart question one can ask oneself to detect whether one is a door mat?
Hi Emc,
How bout this one: 'Am I doing this for him because I can't help doing it, or am I doing this despite my ability and choice to not, because I think it will help him see/grow?'

Maybe that line needs some drastic editing to become a pithy one... and somebody's gotta have another one to add.

[Etherfish]

EMC wrote:
"One problem for me at least is to KNOW when I am treated as a door mat. Anyone have a smart question one can ask oneself to detect whether one is a door mat?"

It takes two to play that game. The doormat doesn't mind being subservient, and the walker likes controlling people. The doormat only starts pulling away when he/she is not getting his/her own needs met.
If the doormat never allowed anyone to walk on them, they wouldn't get in a relationship where it is possible. But usually they like some of it, because they enjoy serving. So it's not necessary for them to stop being walked on; only to make sure their needs are met.

[Wolfgang]

quote:Originally posted by emc


2. One problem for me at least is to KNOW when I am treated as a door mat. Anyone have a smart question one can ask oneself to detect whether one is a door mat?

Isn't the question also: I am not sure if the other is treating me as
a door mat. So the question to yourself should be:
Do I FEEL beeing treated as a door mat ?
If the answer is yes, then you have two choices:
- trying to figure out if the other's intent is to treat you as a door mat (with the danger of accusing the other)
- recognise (acknowledge) the feeling and transform it to what you need
(e.g. healthy self respect)

Is this line of thought helpful ?

L&L
Wolfgang

[emc]

Thanks for answers! Sorry I haven't seen this until now!

Sadhak,  didn't get a word of what you meant! Needs editing! But I have a feeling that that kind of question would only add another one that is difficult to answer!

Etherfish, "If the doormat never allowed anyone to walk on them, they wouldn't get in a relationship where it is possible." Definitely agree! Relationships in which you are treated as a doormat only serves as pain inducers until you see your own patterns. Then you have no reason at all to go into such a relationship again. But it takes awareness to come to that state.

Wolfang, your question is highly relevant I think, in order to achieve that awareness! "Do I FEEL being treated as a door mat?" I'd say now, from experience, that if you have the slightest feeling of that, and has to ask yourself the question "Am I being treated as a doormat?" then YOU ARE! How can I be so sure? Well, it is simply so, that truth and love stemming from inner silence can not create negativity. Only non-aware-ego-mind-stuff can! And ego-mind is selfish, often wounded, and what we are fully occupied to do when we are unaware is to project our own negativity onto others. (Spreading the poison around, as Don Miquel Ruiz puts it).

In short, if you were treated with full respect and love the doubt would never surface!

And as you say, then I have two choices, but I would say they are independent of the person's intent. Unconscious and conscious samskaras projected on you are same, same but different.

1. To recognize the feeling and love the person for what he/she is, because you are now aware of the doormat situation and can work on spreading your love and awareness to your partner from there, as suggested earlier in this thread.
2. To recognize the feeling and leave the person, because you are now aware of the doormat situation and since it doesn't serve you any longer, you are ready for something else, and hopefully the next relationship will be a non-doormat one.

Another experience is that if you are in a relationship where "doormat" is on the board, it is seldom only one part being a doormat. Since partners always suit each other perfectly, you are probably both doormats, but perhaps in different areas and in different ways. It may seem as if one is the obvious doormat, but the other one needs something from that relationship as well, therefore being equally trapped in (being a slave to) some kind of negative, self-destructive pattern!

And you don't have to worry about making the decision to stay or not! The decision will make itself, in exactly the right time, and you just have to follow! That one I learned from Byron Katie, and it has proved to be so accurate! I am overwhelmed over the "no need to decide"-state I live with nowadays! Life is getting very easy. And I detect doormat situations faster and faster.

Thanks for your wonderful replies to my question. I hope Athma_Shakti who started the topic gets something out of the discussion!

[YogaIsLife]

Just wanted to say what beautiful posts yogani. that made my heart lift.