Thanks so much for your replies, received one each day over the last three days. I point this out, because the replies came perfectly timed providing time for reflection. Etherfish, when I read your reply, I realised I must not have explained myself very well, so I apologise. But it did point out to me that being self-taught (by my Inner Guru) has its draw-backs. It can lead to communication problems. I'm not yet familiar with AYP vocabulary, so I find it clumsy when trying to describe subjective experiences.
The next day I read
Holy's reply. Thank you so much Holy for your lengthy and beautiful description of stillness. It was a great comfort, even though at the time it seemed I still wasn't understanding fully.
On the 3rd day during morning meditation I unexpectedly totally let go. 'I' suddenly became lost/absorbed into a vast expanse of pure awareness. It was about 45 minutes later that I came out of it. I'd been praying for an answer to my quandary about stillness. I think this was my Inner Guru's answer. What better way to teach than through personal experience? As a consequence I realised three things.
Firstly, this state is what I'd always called
Being, a state I haven't experienced for 6 months. The penny dropped. AYP calls it by another name, stillness.
The second realisation came after reading
tonightsthenight's reply.
quote:
Concentration and meditation are different things, although they are closely related.
Suddenly I realised I'd been so caught up in trying to do what I perceived as meditation the AYP way that my meditation had morphed into 20 minutes of concentration, rather than 20 minutes of letting go and just being. Now I know why (what I simply call ) 'my spiritual connection' had slipped away. In trying harder I was forcing, rather than letting go. All the accompanying negative emotions reinforced the ego, taking me in the opposite direction.
The third realisation was that as a result of following my Inner Guru for so long, I had previously received some of the 'fruits' of the AYP, but by other names. Some things I don't even have names for. For example, I don't have a name for stage 4 Kechari Mudra, yet it's very familiar to me.
What I've learned from the above is: 1) while it can be helpful to read 'instruction manuals', nothing is a substitute for my Inner Guru and, 2) words/names/labels and other people's subjective experiences are a two-edged sword. They can be a help or a hindrance. Now I know it was just a problem on my part with relating terms to my own experiences. I also now have answers to other questions I hadn't asked in the original post.
So, thanks again, Etherfish, Holy and tonightsthenight. I'm so grateful for your support.