My Relationship is Ending

[SparklingDiamond]

I'm sad.   And kind of relieved at the same time..

Saturday night was another fight, and I'm over it. I don't want to be yelled and screamed at any more. This is not the relationship i want.

We have tried counselling, but he changes for a time,and then the old ways are back. There are too many issues. Unfortunate, as we had amazing chemistry together.  

The problem is that his birthday party is on Saturday night. I haven't yet told him I am breaking it off with him. Today is our 2 year anniversary. I just can't tell him today, plus he sent a congratulatory SMS today for our 2 year anniversay.

The thing is i have invited a friend and a family member to his birthday party. The family member would be fine to go without me, but my friend doesnt know anyone except me , that will be at the party. Plus she already has her outfit.

My boyfriend and I were planning to pick up my outfit (its a themed birthday party) tomoz.

I am thinking of waiting till after his birthday party on saturday, to tell him, but i'm also considering telling him tomorrow instead. I do not know what to do, i just know I can no longer continue in this relationship.

I don't mind being friends with him, as long as he realizes that's all it will be.

Advice please???

Should I tell now or wait till after his party?? It's a big party and all his friends will be there.

[Bodhi Tree]

I don't have any advice in terms of whether to wait before or after the party, but I do have a good deal of empathy for your predicament. I will spend a little time releasing your name in stillness (samyama) in the hopes that the break-up is as smooth as possible.

I'm trying to get into a relationship...you're trying to get out. Funny how the flow of life is constantly going back and forth, back and forth. The ebb and flow of the tide. Someone's dying, someone's being born--at the same moment. Thank God we are joined in the bedrock of stillness.

P.S. Now that I think of it...waiting 'til after the party might be best, but then again, I have no idea. Trust your intuition. Pray about it and release the question into stillness, and the answer will arise.

[maheswari]

to tell him before of after the birthday? tricky...
but also u dont want to spend the birthday pretending that all is good
then blow it afterwards....
if i were in your shoes i would tell him immediately....and i will not go to the party
just my 2 cents

[SparklingDiamond]

Thanks Maheswari

I came home today and he had left a bouquet of white roses (peace flag and a card to celebrate our 2 year anniversary.

Nice gesture, but not enough.

Maybe as one gets older, it's much harder to change ways. The more I go through life, the more I see how set ppl can get in their personality and tendencies, and to change that would take a momentous effort

[kami]

Hi Maria,

((((Hugs))))

Don't know what the right thing is here. My inclination would be to wait until after.. You've spent two years with him, what's another few days? Just a thought.. I agree with Bodhi - samyama and prayers on this will help guide you.. You will be in mine.

Much love to you,
kami

[SparklingDiamond]

Hi kami


That is also my feeling. I Just don't know how I am going to act on Saturday night. It's going to be weird.

I feel so so sad. I wish it could have worked out. I am back to square one on the relationship scope.
It was difficult being single for 18months before I met my current partner. But our relationship has been very much on again off again. Quite volatile.

I do wish things were different. I want to find the right partner, that I can share more of my life with. It seems ppl don't take relationships/marriage as seriously as they use to (like in my parents and grandparents day) anymore,  and I do think the media has a lot to answer for. But also back in the 'olden days' their relationships were far from perfect. When my mother talks about the marriages of some of my grandparents, I cam't believe what wwas endured.

I am starting to feel the call again for my meditation. It's never far away..  My salvation :-)I miss the 'stillness'. Been out of the loop for a while now. Time to retreat again and turn inwards...:-)

Warm Regards, and thanks for all your advice.

Maria

[kami]

Maria,
My heart goes out to you.

Yes it is very sad. I know, have been there

Seek refuge within.. If you have an Ishta, surrender this pain and sadness at their feet. It helps to go back to practices, but my only caution would be to not use practices as a shield.. facing this sadness with all its faces is part of the growth, as is the grief and mourning for a dying relationship. Unless processed, it will keep resurfacing...

Sending you my love, samyama and prayers Maria. And a big hug.

Much, much love <3

[SparklingDiamond]

Hi all;

Just a quick update for all those that were kind enough to reply.

I told him on Tuesday, that it was over. We are still friends though.

Last night, he asked me to get back with him. I actually thought about it, but then all the bad things
came flooding back into my mind, and i realized, in my heart of hearts, I could not. That nothing was going to change

I am suffering. And the loneliness, my old friend, is hitting me hard. But i'm managing to get through this.
Such a powerful, difficult lesson!

Blessings to you all,

Maria

[whippoorwill]

(((Big Hug)))

[Shanti]

Another big ((((HUG)))) from me as well!

[Bodhi Tree]

Stay strong, and keep following your heart and intuition. This too shall pass.

[SparklingDiamond]

Thank you all. We have strong karmic ties together, no doubt.

Definite past lives. When we were in Asia last year, He had a flashback of a life we had shared together. It was a weird deja vu of us being together, in that country and in those circumstances. we looked similar to how we look in this life, but were in different bodies.

Either way, its a connection that we share that is not simple, straight forward, or easy to dissolve. I feel that he will always be a friend to me, if he can keep it that way.

Blessings,

and thanks for allowing me to share some of my drama

Maria

[maheswari]

we all have a story similar to yours...it is never easy
personally i dont think one can shift immediately to friendship..it will take few months till things calm down from your side and his side
xoxo

[SparklingDiamond]

Hi Maheswari

This will be my first experience/test at staying friends after a romantic relationship.