Hello,
I have a burning problem with repressed anger and my partner. It has to do with money also.
I feel a great amount of anger on the inside that does not find expression due to fear of rejection and/or conflict.
The surface situation to trigger this off is with my partner. She is in poor health and financial trouble. I am in financial hardship too but not to such asn extent as I work full-time whereas she is a student also doing part-ime work (and struggling with it).
She came down ill and the antibiotics the doctor gave her making her symptoms better but overall health deteriorate. We agreed I would order some special medicinals from America that are so-far appearing to help a lot. We agreed to go halves, or around halves, on the expenditure.
The products, shipping, plus unexpected customs charge mean this oder became some £110 or so in total. When asked what it would cost, I initially siad only £30-40. I said this out of fear. My real want was for £50. Later I mentioned perhaps needing more for it but she quickly and defencively mentioned new unexpected bills from the bank. So she did not pay the extra when I meekly asked fabout it.
She got paid from work last night, and she mentioned the bill again. I said "Yes, I remember you mentioning this bill when I was asking about money for the medicine, I originally said just £40 but maybe more would have been wlecome." or something equally ambiguous.
She ignored the comment, thoguh this morning, as I was running late for work, sghe suggested I just order a taxi. I said I did not have the money on me for one and she gave me some £20, saying thats enough for taxi and to bring some food back from work.
So, she either heard what I was saying and gave money towards, or was just generally being generous now she has been paid, tough still under stain.
Either way I feel a little relief that she offered some money, but still feel victimised and full of rage.
I want to call this peety of myself. At the same time I think I have a lifetime of unspoken wants and demands and it seems to be a very powerful trigger for my anger, which I constantly try to hide.
We are having a night in together tonight and I'm frightfully aware of how money discussions quickly lead to arguments between us.
Fear of opoverty, fear of not being 'respected' through the symbolic act of giving money, fear of conflict, etc.,
Any advice here? Is it wrong to be selfish after spending a life of trying to please people?
I should take this to my men's group on monday, but is there anything here to keep sane and keep us out of trouble tonight or over this weekend?
The ph7ysical anger is massive.
Please read this post in silence and let me know what you see.
I am often very generous with paying for meals, gifts, days out etc., But it is things where we agree to pay together, or agreed lends, etc., that really get my goat. Like it goes from 'giving' to 'agreement' and I become very uptight about it.
I am terrified to talking about this with her. We have had nasty fights in the past (mostly her doing the shouting)
Many thanks,
Jack