detachment

[nirmal]

Hello everyone,

I have been experienced a lot of losses, the last one in which I lost everything I owned including baby pictures and crystal and china, wedding presents. A lot of pain.

I need to practice Non-attachment but don´t know how to get started.

Any advice?

Thamks
nirmal

[Shanti]

Start by dropping the idea you have of attachment and detachment.

Nirmal, as long as you are trying to attach or detach you will keep attachment and detachment firmly in place. There is nothing wrong with feeling sad about losing "I lost everything I owned including baby pictures and crystal and china, wedding presents." Feel it, feel it with your being. But as you feel it, make it a habit to give it to your ishta, your inner silence. Literally tell your ishta, please take it. Don't suppress any feelings arising. Your mind will attach more strongly to anything you try to give up by force or try to make happen.

Also, a bit of self inquiry will help. Have you tried "The Work" by Byron Katie. You can check her website or better still get her book "Loving what is". I found her technique of asking four questions and turning it around very helpful in letting things go in my life. I hope you can find some help in that book too.

Things do get better Nirmal. Continue with your meditation/practices and it will get easier to let go things. It's all lila.. god's play... all we can do is watch it and go with it. Nothing ever happens without a reason, even if the mind cannot see why. Keep faith Nirmal. It is all OK. It is all how it is meant to be. It all fits into the big picture that we don't see when we are caught up in things and so close to it. You have my best wishes.

[Shanti]

PS: Was listening to Anthony de Mello and he explains what I was trying to say in my post above so much better.

http://www.soulwise.net/99adm01.htm
"Anytime you're practicing renunciation, you're deluded. How about that! You're deluded. What are you renouncing? Anytime you renounce something, you are tied forever to the thing you renounce. There's a guru in India who says, "Every time a prostitute comes to me, she's talking about nothing but God. She says I'm sick of this life that I'm living. I want God. But every time a priest comes to me he's talking about nothing but sex". Very well, when you renounce something, you're stuck to it forever. When you fight something, you're tied to it forever. As long as you're fighting it, you are giving it power. You give it as much power as you are using to fight it.

This includes communism and everything else. So you must "receive" your demons, because when you fight them, you empower them. Has nobody ever told you this? When you renounce something, you're tied to it. The only way to get out of this is to see through it. Don't renounce it, SEE THROUGH IT. Understand its true value and you won't need to renounce it; it will just drop from your hands. But of course, if you don't see that, if you're hypnotized into thinking that you won't be happy without this, that, or the other thing, you're stuck. What we need to do for you is not what so-called spirituality attempts to do --namely, to get you to make sacrifices, to renounce things. That's useless. You're still asleep. What we need to do is to help you understand, understand, understand. If you understood, you'd simply drop the desire for it. This is another way of saying: If you woke up, you'd simply drop the desire for it."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OvE7WWuJp-U&feature=PlayList&p=EC25151943DE0F35&index=4

[CarsonZi]

Hi Nirmal.....sorry to hear of this difficult time.....

quote:Originally posted by Shanti

Have you tried "The Work" by Byron Katie. You can check her website or better still get her book "Loving what is".

Just thought I would put the actual link to Katie's webiste here for you.... http://www.thework.com/thework.asp

I second Shanti in saying that this system of Self Inquiry may help you work through this.  Hope things smooth out soon.  You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Love,
Carson[^]

[manig]

quote:Originally posted by nirmal

I have been experienced a lot of losses...
nirmal

you know what nirmal means?

[Lacinato]

Shanti, thank you for the Anthony de Mello quote. I am in a different situation but find it helpful nonetheless.

[nirmal]

nirmal is a girls name in the Sikh tradition. Nirmal is immaculate, one who is free from impurities.

[Tibetan_Ice]

quote:Originally posted by nirmal

Hello everyone,

I have been experienced a lot of losses, the last one in which I lost everything I owned including baby pictures and crystal and china, wedding presents. A lot of pain.

I need to practice Non-attachment but don´t know how to get started.

Any advice?

Thamks
nirmal

Hi nirmal,
  A particularily good dissertation on loss is presented by Eckhart Tolle in most of his works. I will try to encapsulate his teachings:

- Nothing lasts forever except presence/the now/your eternal being/God. All structures are unstable. The normal cycle of existence for all forms, when viewed over time, includes dissolution, destruction and a returning to the field of silent awareness.

- Loss is an opportunity to recognize presence because whenever you lose something, it creates a gap, a hole where presence comes in. A certain peace and stillness are sensed from that resultant hole.

- Say yes to the now. Accept what has transpired. Do not resist or support any event, thing or object that has appeared. Say to yourself, what is is.

  A good way to help with the practice of detachment is to watch your thoughts. The more you watch your thoughts, the more space is created between you and your thoughts and you start to realize that your thoughts are not you. Your thoughts lose their power over you and you have taken your first step into realizing your true nature. Not only that, but a wonderful peace will overcome you when you are no longer being tossed about by your thoughts.


TI

[HathaTeacher]

Hi Nirmal,
- cheap or luxurious or anything else, stuff is around only to serve a human life, not the other way round; many "modern" people get this upside down. The first limb among the eight limbs of yoga, Yama (ethical disciplines)contains among other points Aparigraha: non-hoarding, non-collecting, non-bribing. Aparigraha is another shade of other yamas (asteya - non stealing) and niyamas (tapas - moderation/austerity), beacause non-attachment to fancy things, money, success etc., lessens suffering. The ego has made up materialist substitutes, to avoid real happiness, because happiness would challenge its fear of change.

For example, former East Germany wasn't exactly notorious for happiness... But many people there used to cling to their Trabis (explanation for non-Europeans: an extremely small and polluting plastic vehicle which sort of resembled a car ) more than a rich West German would cling to his luxury car. Some committed very dubious deeds against their fellow citizens only to obtain a vehicle under the old regime. So whenever a thing feels important to me, I try to figure out what kind of a real lack in my life it conceals. I also try to keep stuff to a minimum by all means. When I happen to have several of the same and only need one in my everyday life, I give it off or sell it cheap second-hand. It's a mental detox. Their purpose i to make a human life simpler somewhere, rather than gathering dust on my shelves.      

Our projections charge stuff with an importance it doesn't have for real. As long as you haven't lost a living being, it's easier to start looking through the attachment.
Also, it's good to remind yourself that happiness is much more about the inside than about what's around you. My favorite Tantra meditation is recalling in detail some moments of utter joy, including my state of mind during those moments. Then dropping the memories completely but still keeping the state of mind. It gives me a much-needed reminder that happiness comes from within.
Enjoy!