Horrifying experience!!...but interesting of cours

[anthony574]

I wanted to share an experience I had yesterday. I am not sure if it is yoga-related...but it seemed to have ramifications later on.

I was in class (I am a massage therapy student) and it was a usual morning. I wasn't feeling particularly still or high, just doing my normal return-to-presence thing in the back of my head. We had a 10-minute break and I stood up from my chair. I like to stretch a lot so I did a standing back-bend that felt like it went further than usual and felt unusually good. When I came out of it I felt a headrush coming on - the kind you get when "standing up too fast". I actually enjoy these rushes because, and this is not something I've heard anyone else attribute to headrushes, they cause everything to get really vivid and alive for 2 seconds...like a two-second acid trip. Anyway, I felt the rush coming on and I remember things getting kind of white.

(Note: I am going to use a few entheogen references. If these comparisons resonate with you, great. If not and you have never used these things please keep reading. On a side note I haven't used any substances in a few months and don't intend on it as my practice has deepened without them)

NEXT THING I KNOW (key words) I am stumbling around like I am either drunk or having just used Salvia Divinorum. I didn't think anything of it as if I were in a dream and then I became aware of my surroundings. I look around and realize I am in a classroom with 8 other students, all of whom are looking at me with worry and confusion on their face. I didn't know what had just happened and I was afraid I was going crazy! Then, I started panicking! I tried to gain control of myself (on the outside) and left the room and went into the bathroom. I thought I was either dying or having a psychotic breakdown. Eventually I regained control as I remmbered the course of events (the backbend)>

Now, let me tell you what was happening on the inside.

When I realized where I was I had this horrifying realization that I was in a dream...or that reality ceased to exist. I became completely derealized/depersonalized/ego death. This is something that used to happen to me on and off after I did mushrooms...but it happened less often as I got into yoga practices. I "knew" who everyone was and where I was but it no longer made any sense to me! I also have had recurring dreams throughout my whole life that my legs no longer support me steadily and in the times that these "episodes" have occured that has happened! This didn't feel like any samadhi or anything blissful...this is was horrifying. I didn;t feel a part of reality anymore...like a glitch had occured.

The episode shook me up for the next 6 hours or so. I was afraid that this had something to do with yoga as recently my practices have really deepend and I added samyama. I went ahead and did my afternoon sadhana anyway and didn't notice any ill effects...although there was an unusual amoutn of paranoid and anxious thoughts (apolcolypse, the gov't, stuff like that).

When I came home I decided I should back off of practices a bit...but I actually ended up doing the opposite. I did the longest and fullest session ever (since not using marijuana) including asanas, pranayama, med, and samyama. The whole thing was neither really good nor bad...but it did feel VERY potent. Usually I am not very sensitive to practices, but med and samayama felt REALLY deep. I noticed anxious and paranoid thoughts popping up...but I just didn;t take them seriously and returned to the mantra. Afterwards I layed down and couldn't get up! I layed there for about 3-4 hours like I was in a coma. I felt like I never wanted to move!! As I was laying there I also felt spontaneous kechari occuring (something that has nevr happened outside of my marijuana/LSD experiences) and I tasted something fairly sweet in my mouth. Then I slept for a total of 10 or so hours (unusual for me) and now this morning I feel "different". I don't feel energetic or anything...just "slower" or something, I can't explain it. It is not bad, in fact I enjoy the stillness that it brings. I do a tad "feverish" which is a symptom I have never felt from practice.

Anyway, just thought this experience was interesting. I am particularly interested in feedback about the "standing up too fast" headrushes and if anyone else notices weird existential effects from it.

Thanks for reading Anthony's Tales of Existential Horror

j/k :-)

[YogaIsLife]

Hi Anthosy,

Yes, I know what you mean

I have had many similar experiences, horror stories like those, panic attacks. The detachemnt you felt from reality I used to feel often and it is horrible so I know exactly what you mean. Also the head rushes I felt and I also experienced white "shadows" or flashes in my sight, those were horrible as it almost felt I was going blind...well, I almost went blind at a point in my life because of this...

But for me this things have been happening for years (or since I know myself) and I think I was born very sensitive and/or with already energy problems in my system. For me I found "salvation" in deep meditation as taught by yogani. I've been doing solely meditation for about 6 months now. Somehow it grounds me and I feel much more stable and solid in daily life and I notice that whenever those feelings/sensations arise they lack the ancient "storm" feeling and I am able to remain in control and calm.

Well, I am no expert and I am trying to figure out for myself what happened/happens with me but I notice that any kind of exciting/stimulating energy activity percipitates these happenings. Also, for me, more than 10min of deep meditation starts feeling unconfortable, but this can very well be very different from you. I also avoid any pranayama for the same reasons. So, if you feel that those experiences keep happening you can maybe try ease way down on your practice, especially in what concerns energy cultivation and stimulation. Maybe try just doing solely meditation for a while and see how it goes. And a bit of walking as well.

Well, hope it helps...all the best and take it easy.

[CarsonZi]

Hi Anthony574,

Wow.  Quite an experience.  As you may know I have a bit of a history with drugs and entheogens, so keep that in mind bearing what I'm about to say.  Too me this sounds like a spontaneous release of DMT combined with a kundalini awakening.  The backbend sounds (to me) like it caused a release of a minor amount (not a completely psychedelic dose) of DMT.  The white light, the feeling similar to Salvia or mushrooms,(psylocibin's chemical formula is 4-HO-DMT. Or maybe it was 4-OH-DMT, can't remember for sure.) depersonalization, and I bet it lasted around 6-10 minutes right?  But the automatic kechari, the secretion in your mouth and the need for deep rest sounds to me like effects caused by a kundalini awakening.  Never heard of that happening from a DMT trip.  I can't say why this would happen, or even say for sure that this IS what happened, but I'd say you should keep with a really stable level of practice right now.  But you already knew that right[]

Love,
Carson[^]

[thibaud05]

quote:

When I realized where I was I had this horrifying realization that I was in a dream...or that reality ceased to exist. I became completely derealized/depersonalized/ego death.  


Hi Anthony,

I've had spontaneous horrific experiences that seem similar to yours.  At the time of my awakening, I was unexpectedly thunderstrucked by the realization that nothing exists, that I was just drifting away aimlessly in time/space and I litterally felt cursed like Ulysses.  It was a brutal shock and it got me begging to align myself with the only thing I knew back then from the scriptures, i.e "God is love".  I mentally held on like crazy to this thought in order to avoid a total breakdown.

Another horrific one on a par level with my Ulysse's awakening experience was when my third eye awoke.  I was gazing at myself in the mirror one day and was hit by lightening that petrified me (instantly it made me think of the tale of Medusa for some reason).  Some very intense electric field hit me at ajna, I felt like I was "netted" or trapped in some overly powerful dimension, and my face put on the most primitive expression I've ever seen (I looked more like an apeman than a homo sapiens), the very ancient part of the brain seemed to had been wired.  Was the most horrific and disgusting experience I could ever imagine, as if some archetype had ben activated within and I felt the terror of the rise of consciousness in mankind, that fatal moment when the apeman ventured out of its natural state of unconsciousness. Thats a big WOW.

What did I learn from this ?
To be very careful of the present moment, of my thoughts and desires.
When ever I get heavily trapped in illusion, its like an alarm sets off in my subconscious and I quickly align back to the present moment.

I am very grateful to have this alarm-security because it's so easy to get lost by our emotions and our desires, my understanding of maya.

Also I felt the sacredness of every thing on this earth, and a ton of gratitude for the cosmos and mother nature.

My sanity was on the line for a couple of years, but now I am feeling better than ever, and with the very substantial help of Yogani's teachings I learned such experiences were just harsh purification symptoms

We all get to know someday on the path that spirituality is not kid's stuff, don't we ?

[Shanti]

Thank you for sharing your experience Anthony.

Enjoy the opening... and all it brings with it. This is just the beginning.. there will be many more.. may not be so dramatic.. but there will be many many more awesome experiences like this.. and I know you know this already.. don't expect it again or try to make it happen again or hold on to it. Let it flow naturally.. and enjoy the newness of the opening for as long as it lasts. It will stabilize in a few days. Don't push it by overdoing practices.. just relax and  open and allow and soak up the blessings. Do remember about self pacing, grounding etc... many times such dramatic openings are followed by a low phase.. not saying this will happen to you.. but it is good to be aware of this.

And again.. enjoy the beauty of the opening.. the experience will not last forever.. but the inner knowing/lightness that it brings with it will.

[yogibear]

Hi Anthony,

 

quote:Anyway, just thought this experience was interesting. I am particularly interested in feedback about the "standing up too fast" headrushes and if anyone else notices weird existential effects from it.

I like to do a standing back bend and can produce a headrush when returning to neutral position from it if I want. But I don't want. I haven't had any weird effects from it because I purposely don't let myself get to the point where they would have the possibility of occuring. But in the past I have come close to passing out.

What happens is that it interferes with the blood flow into your brain and causes a temporary oxygen deprivation to the neurons. The ones in your cerebellum and brainstem are especially sensitive to this. The cerebellum is responsible for the coordination of all of your physical, visceral, emotional and mental functions. The brainstem is an responsible for consciousness.

Depending on how long the deprivation occurs, it can produce anything from a headrush to disorientation and loss of consciousness like you experienced.

When the restriction is released, either from returning to neutral standing postion or falling down, the blood flows back into the brain and the body automatically restores normal conditions as quickly as possible.

When a person faints and falls down the blood flow is restored to the brain and they regain consciouness as a result. It is a purely mechanical thing.

How I avoid the headrush is to make sure that my breath keeps flowing smooth and easy while in the back bend because this reduces the blockage of blood flowing up into the head and back down to the heart. If I hold it, the tendency towards the headrush greatly increases.

Bending forward immediately so that your head is below the hips and heart if you went to far will help if you feel you might pass out. Then you can sit down on your heels, breath easy and relax until you feel things are normal again.

That is my feed back and experience with it.  

Best, yb.

[anthony574]

Thank you guys for sharing your experiences. It is very reassuring.

"At the time of my awakening, I was unexpectedly thunderstrucked by the realization that nothing exists, that I was just drifting away aimlessly in time/space and I litterally felt cursed like Ulysses."

That is exactly it! Like it is a cruel cosmic joke!

"Some very intense electric field hit me at ajna, I felt like I was "netted" or trapped in some overly powerful dimension, and my face put on the most primitive expression I've ever seen (I looked more like an apeman than a homo sapiens), the very ancient part of the brain seemed to had been wired. Was the most horrific and disgusting experience I could ever imagine, as if some archetype had ben activated within and I felt the terror of the rise of consciousness in mankind, that fatal moment when the apeman ventured out of its natural state of unconsciousness."

I have had that experience on an LSD trip taken after I started AYP so it was very energetic and spiritually motivated. I looked into a mirror and noticed that I no longer looked like a pretty human being...I looked like a funny-looking bipedal creature resembling the animal known as "monkeys". The whole trip was themed it seems around being a primordial being. I felt the whole time like I was an ancient man...no longer a "human being" and that I was experiencing all over again what the first awakened or self-realized humans felt...just total infantile wonder at the world and the miracle of their own existence!