Thank you riptiz and sparkle for your kind replies.
Hi,
Please ask away on any questions you have on healing and I will do my best to answer.Although I have in the past been heavily involved in healing, I now choose to follow the path of meditation. In my experience meditation will take you further in self healing although there is much you can do to assist yourself.
Thank you riptiz. It is hard to explain what I have. I have suffered from imbalances for a lot of my life but more drastic recently. I guess you would have to know me personally and get a bit of my history to "diagnose". I definetely have some energy inbalance and I also think that deep meditation is the best way to find balance again and it is working, though bringing all this purification symptoms with it and sometimes they are hard to handle. I take it very slowly and to a minimum and I think it is working but I have to be very delicate.
My symptoms include feelings of like a knot or pressure in my left lower abdomen, that spreads - like if it was a root with different knots - and creates knots also below my heart, in my neck, back of eye, head, back of kneee and centre of teh palm of the foot, all in the left side. Because of the specificity of the places and the fact that this feelings come and go (more intense in some situations than in others) I feel it is energy related - hence I called it blocks. When I read about pranic healing here I tried it for fun and I felt an immediate relief. I did the kind of "brooming" and sweeping they talk about with my rigth hand in the places I felt the congestion and, I don't know if it was my suggestion! - but it worked. I did it for 2 or 3 days and it relieved me a lot. That and a very clean diet I am doing - no bread, beans and legumes in general, only grilled or boiled food, no soft fruit, no fats. etc. I just followed my instinct and what my body was telling me (deep meditation helped my make it a bit alive again and it feels great) and it seems to work. I suffered for years with this pains...it is so stupid sometimes how we can spend years with disconforts because we don't know any better...or maybe think there isn't any better.
I was sufferng not only because of the feelings themselves (although not pleaseant) but because these feelings were associated with some depression, feelings of fullness, etc. It was like they were a manifestation of energy draining from my body or some very clear imbalances. A warning. It happened a lot just after any meal, so there is some connection with absortion of food. By the way, I also lack the spleen since I am 10 years old, not sure if this is a great minus in what concerns enlightment. Hope not!
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But could be related to some imbalances I have that I never noticed or understood before.
Another thing I complain about is headaches. I feel that a lot of tension and energy was accumulated in my head. I have studied a lot in my life (was doing a phd recently
![[;)]](http://www.aypsite.com/plus-forum/Smileys/akyhne/icon_smile_wink.gif "Wink")
) and have a very active mind and also - and I think this was the main problem - I've had many problems with my eyes. I had a retinal detachemnt in my left eye 8 years ago (yes, left side again!) and I was a bit obsessed by it for some time and after reading the theories of Dr. Bates decided to go without glasses (I am myopic) for sometime as I thought that by sheer force (like "pretending" that I didn't need glasses to see)I would end my myopia. I know, foolish! I was 1 and a half year like that! I can be very stubborn and I did it on my own without any support or concern for what other people thought and I was leading (trying was more like it!) a normal life, driving, working etc. A stupid thing to do I know now.
You see, my problem has always been the fact that I have an intuition (or mental construction - the two blended a lot in the past) that something is true (like for example being able to correct myopia, or the fact that you can reach enlightment through meditation for example!) but not always find the best methods and am also self-willed and closed minded about it! And I end up literally burning myself out not even knowing how I did it and how it worked! That is why AYP came as a blessing to me as I could tell it was an effective method that is also safe (I feel supported) and centered in self-pacing, something I was never too good at! And something that is happening within myself, which is wonderfull as I can take it anywhere.
So now I am still paying for all this (stupid) mistakes. What pains me the most is that is not easy to explain this to other people. I try to live a normal life but it is hard for example to explain why I don't eat certain foods or don't drink alcohol (my body just feels bad with this things!), or I feel so tired all the time, etc. Even me myself was not gentle with me as well and was forcing myself to do a lot when I should have self-paced or tried to be more aware of my deep feelings I guess...but not easy when you don't understand what is happening and how it works...Well, remember, always self-pace in life!
Another (crucial) problem is that I was always too mental. I always wanted to search deeper and never gave up and always questioned everything. People used to say to me to "stop thinking so much" and to not be so critical. I since then mellowed out! I had to surrender to the evidence that it was not taking me anywhere
] But still I was sad because I knew I never wanted to end my search for the truth, to go deep into things. So, once again AYP is like a miracle because it provides me with tools and especially hope again that I can take it easy and still see results.
I recently read part of Yogani's Self-Inquiry book (funny you mentioned it Sparkle!
)and saw myself a lot in it. When he talks about non-relational inquiry. I did A LOT of that and my results were accordingly - anxiety, depression, dizziness, tension. Especially this last few years. It was strange because deep down I didn't feel unhappy and had no reasons to be but this weight...this turmoil in my body...that is when I turned for energy as an explanation...started reading books on that, etc.
I was trying to control all the energy imbalances I felt in my body (I used to say then it felt like a stormy ocean inside that wanted to leap out and I struggled hard to contain it...it literally took a lot of energy to contain it) and the only way I knew how was to use the power of the mind and will. Sheer force, though, with no resting moment. Mind over matter. Mind over mind. You know it doesn't work but it was the best I jknew that I could do. Meditation, I guess, was the missing link.
I did a bit of that on my own following some intuition and was feeling a lot of what you call here 'automatic yoga'. So I decided to let it happen as I didn't know what was happening but reasoned (again I had only logic to turn to) that I better let my body do what it willed as I didn't know how to take care of it myself! Also maybe not the best option from what I read here. Fortunately soon after I found this site and now been doing deep meditation for about a month and a half and am feeling that it is good for me.
But today for example I have termendous headaches. I think it has to do with my eyes. So, do you know ways to soothe the eyes?
One thing more I want to say about self-inquiry and what yogani says there that resonated with me: some schools of thought say to be mindfull of every thought and some say not to do anything at all. Well, me, inadvertedly, did both and neither worked for me! When I was trying to contain myself and keep cosncious all the time through the mind I was able to pretend to be ok while cracking on the inside and when I realised that and decided not to think about it - trying to ignore what I was feeling everyday - also didn't make it go away. The problem is that I went from 2 extremes: first I wouldn't listen to anybody and had that impetus to search deep for the truth without any support (blindly, thus) and afterwards trying to compensate by being humble and deciding the search was foolish and dangerous and trying to ignore the impetus. It is tricky because I guess it is the middle way: you can search for the truth in you but it is unsafe to do it blindly. Also, it seems, if you have a strong thirst for something, it seems to be unwise to ignore it...I felt literally stuck between the sword and the wall...no way out...Hence I love AYP!
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This is getting very long...Now you can see the knot I am in! (Or
was in because I believe (and hope!) that I am in the right track now). As you can imagine also making decisions is extremely hard for me and I will have to make some life decisions soon but fortunately I took some time out and concentrate on getting well now.
I can tell you one more thing about my energy that can maybe ring a bell to you: I feel, like I said, a lot of tension in my head as well. Eyes, and top of the head, like a cloud hanging there. I think it is eye related - it is the mind that sees not the eyes and I kind of messed the circuitry! But what I feel is that an exhalation, for example, is much more pleasant and relaxing than an inhalation, which is unconfortable and can be almost painful sometimes. I started spinal breahting recently, very gently, and noticed the immense power of it. I feel it is good to me but I do have to take it very very gently. I literally just do it once or twice as I feel it working in me very much. I also feel an immense pleasure when I go down the spine and arrive at the perinieum. My anal sphicter contracts and I feel pleasure and my body releases tension through stretching. About my left and right inbalance as well: in the very start - and this is curious - I was tracing my spine (I personally imagine a ball of energy going up and down) mostly on the right side! It was like my left side was numb or didn't exist! But I trusted the method to work in balancing energies and I think it is working. I am now more centred in the tracing.
Well, this is it. Sorry for the long (and very probably messy!) post. It is hard to explain this things. Everything is also kind of new to me (I was raised in a family of kind of sceptics - except my mum
- and have a scientific education...which doesn't help my case much!) so I am doing my best to understand this. I used to try to ignore it because I was afraid of it but it seems also not to be the best solution! Sometimes I think I am afraid of what I could achieve maybe! Part of me wants to be a "normal person" and part of me wants to explore and be adventurous. Trying to find the harmony and what a better place to start than with yoga, hein?!
Thanks for listening. All the best to you all.
