My 'Becoming'

[Amaargi]

Hi everyone..

My experiences have been a little different as I had an uncontrollable awakening which has been helped with deep meditation and AYP practises.

It still flares up now and again but is much better and I've been able to lead a fairly normal life as much as I can.

Just wanted to share quickly that a few months ago I had a most beautiful humbling and ecstacally loving experience of having the Light - Christ Consciousness - Shiva - Ganeesha love and divinity pour into me.

My basic upbringing is Christian but I've spent many years studying and experiencing Eastern methods so I presume this is why I experienced parts of both beliefs.

The love and the beauty of it all really can't be justified with mere words, I was  flying with the heights of it and yet sobing with the love that brought me to my knees.

I also saw a beautiful golden, white, bejewelled egg that opened and within it was a beautiful being who I understood to be Shiva and then it transformed into a lingham...then it transformed again and became a chalice/goblet...the holy grail?

Since then I gradually became reclusive and my life changed dramatically.  I changed jobs and moved to another house.

I realise this was necessary because I was 'reborn' as some one new and need a cleaner pure environment to live because the new me was like a baby...brand new clean and pure and I didn't want to be tainted again with taking on other peoples beliefs, ideals, teachings etc.

At another time I felt me own energy return to me from the Universe so that I could feel what I was like...my energy is like a new born star...a baby nestled in amongst other stars and pure...but so new that now I have to take my baby steps to learn how to live and 'BE' correctly.  I saw other white robed beings looking at a new baby with love and a glow to their faces like parents (but not parents in an 'ownership' sense) gazing at me and accepting me.....

As I said....words just can't describe the experiences that I had.

The process hasn't finished as I very quitly and gently become part of the world again...learning to live here and deal with life in a different way....coping with it all which can make me feel very vulnerable at times....tiny baby steps...

there is a lot more that I would love to discuss and most probably will do at another time..for now  just wanted to let everyone know how beautiful it all is and I hope this helps you all on your path....

love

Amaargi
(Anne)

[Anthem]

Sounds wonderful Anne, thanks for sharing and welcome to the AYP forums![]

[Manipura]

Welcome Anne!  Your experiences sound awesome.  

[vishnu]

wonderful experience Amaargi, that's what you called rebirth.
Be well.
Vishnu.

[Sparkle]

It's uplifting to read your wonderful account Anne, thank you, and welcome to the forum.

You wrote:
I realise this was necessary because I was 'reborn' as some one new and need a cleaner pure environment to live because the new me was like a baby...brand new clean and pure and I didn't want to be tainted again with taking on other peoples beliefs, ideals, teachings etc.

I recognise those feeling from a long time ago and just wondered, now that you are fresh in them, - how does the AYP system look to you in this regard?

Louis

[Richard]

Great stuff anne Welcome to the forum[]

RICHARD

[Amaargi]

Thank you all for your welcome but I'm not new to the forum it's just that I don't post very often.

I've been around since the beginning of the lessons last year and as I read your question about how the AYP forum looks to me now - it started me crying in gratefulness because it literaly saved my life.

When yogani first started the lessons I wrote to him and asked for his advice regarding my out of control kundalini and he replied to me personally and gave me help when I had reached the bottom...I felt I couldn't live any more with the experiences I was having.

To have someone finally give me practical advice instead of telling me to 'go with the flow' or just ignore me was the light at the end of the tunnel.

I know he wouldn't accept it...but I hold him in such high esteem and to me *he* is The Guru *smiles*

There has been many changes in my life since my becoming and now that it's all settling down I'm organising myself to start spreading the word of his forums and books.  I can see so many opportunities where it can be passed on.....so many people that can be helped....

I must admit that I still feel very vulnerable and I'm learning to balance my emotions...this is why I cry as I think of the forum and the AYP lessons...

I've been feeling many new energies now that I don't have words to describe until if absorbs into me - or rises up from somewhere within...I've felt the energy of the stars...I've felt the energy of the cosmos...subtle and pure.  Now I feel the energy of the AYPsite...its white and whole..and sits gently in my heart...

This is now a new energy as I sit and write these words..I've found the pattern is that it will take about 24 hours and then the words and comprehension of it will be clear....I'll post again if this happens..

It's all part of the 'newness'..another baby step *smie*

Amaargi
(Is there a spell check on this?)

quote:Originally posted by Sparkle

It's uplifting to read your wonderful account Anne, thank you, and welcome to the forum.

I recognise those feeling from a long time ago and just wondered, now that you are fresh in them, - how does the AYP system look to you in this regard?

Louis

[david_obsidian]

Amaargi,

thanks for giving that to us.  It has been a blessing to our community.

-David

[Sparkle]

Hi Amaargi

quote:I must admit that I still feel very vulnerable and I'm learning to balance my emotions...

Your vulnerability is beautiful Anne, and what you have said about Yogani and the forum is, as David says, a blessing for the community here.
I understand the 24 hour pattern you talked about, taking ones time to let things settle and work out in the silence is the way to go.

Regarding your question about a spell check, there is no spell check here, but what you can do is write in Word, do your spell check and then copy and paste it into the forum box.

See you later
Louis

[Richard]

HI Anne
If you download the Google toolbar it has a spellcheck that works perfectly on this forum

RICHARD

[Amaargi]

Hi again everyone,
I have a question and I'm not sure what subject topic I should ask it under...it's most probably been covered by someone somwhere.

So I'll ask it here and maybe someone can direct me in some way.

Since my 'becoming' I've had a strong strong desire to live in service, to give healing to people in a totally selfless way and also to help others learn to meditate so that they will find God (or their ideal of God) and find the wonderful love and connection that I feel.

It's so strong, so deep within me that I sob and cry at just the thought of it all.

At the same time I've had srong guidance and can feel the strong feelings also that I don't want to give healing to anyone regardless of how much suffering they may be going through, because this would only interfere with their chosen path and lessons to find 'God' / 'Enlightenment' their own way.

This causes a conflict that I feel comes from my soul, the purest part of me and I don't know what to do.

One part wants to heal others, the other part knows that I shouldn't do this and deeply feels compassionate loving support and understanding is all that is given.

Obviously I can't do both and I don't understand why both feelings are felt so strongly...which way to go?

Why would there be such a conflict of feelings if both are natural ways to feel from within?

any advice you can give is really appreciated...

Anne

[Sparkle]

Hi Amaargi

you said: One part wants to heal others, the other part knows that I shouldn't do this and deeply feels compassionate loving support and understanding is all that is given.

When I read this I would question what you mean when you say "heal others".
What could be more healing than "compassionate loving support"?

Louis

[Amaargi]

Hi Louis,
The difference is when I see someone in pain or suffering in some way I feel a strong desire to heal them by 'laying on of hands'...my hands fire with warm and healing energy and I also have a strong desire to massage/heal as I'm a masseuse in my daily life.

Compassionate loving support is just being there for them and letting them know I empathise with what they are going through....yet still let them suffer and go through any emotional or physical pain that they are experiencing.

Loving support doesn't heal or take away their experience...I just allow and accept that it's their experience in this life time.

Anne

[Anthem]

quote:Since my 'becoming' I've had a strong strong desire to live in service, to give healing to people in a totally selfless way and also to help others learn to meditate so that they will find God (or their ideal of God) and find the wonderful love and connection that I feel.

It's so strong, so deep within me that I sob and cry at just the thought of it all.

At the same time I've had srong guidance and can feel the strong feelings also that I don't want to give healing to anyone regardless of how much suffering they may be going through, because this would only interfere with their chosen path and lessons to find 'God' / 'Enlightenment' their own way.

Hi Anne,

I have contemplated this as well. I love to help people too and also have intense cravings at times to do what I can for others. I think the key is helping those who want to be helped and of these I believe there are many. If you are looking for more opportunities to help, simply offer your services for free somewhere.

I see it the same way you do that to help those who are not seeking it is to rob them of their opportunity to do it on their own. As you point out, their suffering leads them to greater and greater levels of awareness (eventually), it is actually a blessing in disguise which is of course very difficult to perceive at the time.

I think you can do both, it is just a matter of choosing the right time and place to either help or to respect a person's right to live and learn on their own. To me this choice becomes clear in most situations if we accept the answer.

all the best,

A

[Sparkle]

Hi Anne and Anthem

My experience with healing is that a person won't get healed unless they are ready to be healed. The healer can be a catalyst for the breakthrough or shift in consciousness that allows the healing.

Its a very interesting question as to whether someone can be healed of something with the assistance of a healer, without a corresponding shift in consciousness.
It is the shift in consciousness that is the learning and the healing, and if laying healing hands of love onto a person accelerates this I personally do not have a problem with it.

If laying healing hands on someone provides healing without a corresponding learning then I would not be for it either, but as I said this has not being my experience.

Do you have a different experience ?

Louis