partner's dad died.. how to help?

[Jack]

Hello,

My partner's dad died this afternoon. SUdden heart attack.

I get the impression there is nothing I can -do- to help, just be available without smothering her.

Does anybody know of any resources, or have any advice, on how I may help her and keep myself sane? I have not dealt with the death of anybody close to me or a partner before.


Thanks.

[CarsonZi]

Hi Jack....sorry to hear of your partners dad passing.

IMO there is little you can physically do to help.  Emotionally you can:

1. Unconditionally Love her.  
2. Accept where she is and how she is feeling without judgment.
3. Support her however she needs it.
4. Have an open heart and choose to listen.

Other then this, I personally don't see a whole lot that you can do.

Again, sorry to hear of this, hope both of you find peace with this soon.

Love!

[Victor]

Be there for her and put your own needs on hold for awhile. Let her guide you with what she needs

[manigma]

quote:Originally posted by Jack
Does anybody know of any resources, or have any advice, on how I may help her and keep myself sane?

My wife's mother died a few years ago and she kept crying for a few months (still cries as she loved her a lot).

I always acted like I am feeling sympathetic and sad for it too.

But not anymore. Really... whats there to be sad about?

She is crying while dreaming on losing someone she loved within a dream.

Give time and then try your best to awake her. That is the least you can do to *really* help her.

[Tam Phap]

Dear Jack... blessings to you and your partner in your time of sorrow.
In the west we have what can only be called a difficult and fearful way of approaching anything to do with death, so when somebody close to us passes all these concepts can also come into play along with the heartfelt grief. As such, we tend to tighten up around our grief rather than letting it truly express within us and through us.  As such, it can happen that the grief is prolonged and, subsequently, we suffer greatly.  It is my experience that the best thing we can do is to sit silently and truly "touch" on the grief - let it wash right over us like a tidal wave and feel it deeply and fully... I have found through practicing this that the end result is that the "bite" of grief soon passes, to be replaced by a feeling of compassion and love for those around us who are also suffering and then moving out to all beings everywhere who are suffering.

[Jack]

Thank you all.

I'm concerned how by meditation seems to feed this habit of mine to seek solitude/space, and to judge others as different to myself. Its very withdrawn, defencive and judgemental.

Still I have held space well the last few days, to the best of my ability. But the above has been a concern of mine for a while. It almost makes me want to NOT meditate simply so I can feel some commonality with those around me.