Hi Louis and Ananda
Thanks for those lovely posts
Some years ago....it might have been around the year 2000....the white dove came to me in a deep vision (visions like that would sometimes happen when briefly spontaneously in meditation during the waking hours)....
It was "genderful".....like an angel......the energy was of both a woman and a man....
...it was the most beautiful, white, pure dove that emerged from a blue space....and "touched" me in a completely wordless manner.....
This was before the poetry started.....but the encounter with the dove made me write this song a while later......I didn't fully understand it at the time.......but this was the start of the longing:
No nameDo not be alarmed, my dearest friend
I am here to tell you a story
My slavery finally came to an end
and I stand here ribbed of all glory
But I want you to know that all along
my struggles were mine alone;
that the chains I was wearing that silenced my song
never strangled the beauty I own
But fear of hurting him (read myself)
made me think that choosing would kill me
While it turned out that storing life on a shelf
just as slowly and surely drained me
of that precious spark I so much love;
my only reason for being
And I couldn't forget the beautiful dove
that once nurtured me into seeing:
I'd rather face death instantaneously
than slowly and over time
So I've decided to love and die simultaneously
while I keep putting life to rhyme
It took me a long time to figure out
that my quest was not forgetting,
but rather remember what you were about
and why I feared this setting
Will you see me - knowing I can never be owned
by anyone; not even me?
At last I am free to love all I want,
and I do - and I flow - can you see?So.....what I am trying to say (sorry.....this always makes me cry....because it is associated with a sort of painful love in the heart that has been here for ages....for as long as I can remember....ever since the first encounter with the loving space in the forest when 5 years old)..... is that ....Awareness....Father.....Shiva.....has and all the time still is....teaching death and dying....while as Kundalini......Shakti... Mother.....that flows and flows through the body and beyond and sometimes is so close to pushing me over the limit for what I can handle....she teaches about Love and Loving.....
And here....both are both darkness and light.....which together is the Shine
And noone is really here that does the loving, neither is anyone here that is actually dying..... but the Love has nowhere to..... flow unless the dying to every moment is a conscious surrender.
And I don't really know this.....but I suspect that the painful love....is simply the love touching whatever contraction and non-surrender there is.....and as such never letting the opening conclude in any way....it is ever expanding....giving space.....ever widening......
It is the most paradoxical feeling....to have energy pouring out of the feet into the ground.....and at the same time feel that the earth is within......I will never understand it.....but that doesn't matter anymore....
So.....the important aspects.......is here the Love and the Dying...
And of the two....the Dying is the most crucial.....that is why I love St. John of the Cross so.....
Because it is evident here.....that the surrender is always what is...
In surrender......your heart will transmit this Love. And if this transmission is already taking place......then the fireworks of Kundalini is not needed in this incarnation. You might have had all that happening to you in previous lives.
It doesn't mean that your Kundalini is not active. It is simply that the purification is at a level where the energy is refined enough to serve its loving purpose.
And who are we to conclude about the strange workings of Love?
It is the outpouring of divine love that matters......if your heart is open....and the love is streaming unconditionally....then this is it.