quote:
When I realized where I was I had this horrifying realization that I was in a dream...or that reality ceased to exist. I became completely derealized/depersonalized/ego death.
Hi Anthony,
I've had spontaneous horrific experiences that seem similar to yours. At the time of my awakening, I was unexpectedly thunderstrucked by the realization that nothing exists, that I was just drifting away aimlessly in time/space and I litterally felt cursed like Ulysses. It was a brutal shock and it got me begging to align myself with the only thing I knew back then from the scriptures, i.e "God is love". I mentally held on like crazy to this thought in order to avoid a total breakdown.
Another horrific one on a par level with my Ulysse's awakening experience was when my third eye awoke. I was gazing at myself in the mirror one day and was hit by lightening that petrified me (instantly it made me think of the tale of Medusa for some reason). Some very intense electric field hit me at ajna, I felt like I was "netted" or trapped in some overly powerful dimension, and my face put on the most primitive expression I've ever seen (I looked more like an apeman than a homo sapiens), the very ancient part of the brain seemed to had been wired. Was the most horrific and disgusting experience I could ever imagine, as if some archetype had ben activated within and I felt the terror of the rise of consciousness in mankind, that fatal moment when the apeman ventured out of its natural state of unconsciousness. Thats a big WOW.
What did I learn from this ?
To be very careful of the present moment, of my thoughts and desires.
When ever I get heavily trapped in illusion, its like an alarm sets off in my subconscious and I quickly align back to the present moment.
I am very grateful to have this alarm-security because it's so easy to get lost by our emotions and our desires, my understanding of maya.
Also I felt the sacredness of every thing on this earth, and a ton of gratitude for the cosmos and mother nature.
My sanity was on the line for a couple of years, but now I am feeling better than ever, and with the very substantial help of Yogani's teachings I learned such experiences were just harsh purification symptoms
We all get to know someday on the path that spirituality is not kid's stuff, don't we ?