My current state

[Chiron]

Greetings friends,

I feel like sharing my spiritual experience with someone.  

About a year and a half ago (I am 24), shortly after a street fight, my heart chakra (or some energy center in the middle of the chest) burst open.  Ofcourse it was a chain of events in my whole life and probably past lives that lead to the opening, but that was the memorable event shortly before I "awoke" from material life.

Also I remember experiencing terrible fear in bed before going to sleep for a few days.  I have never been so afraid of darkness before in my life, even during childhood.  I thought the Devil was entering my body, and I would sweat and my body would be covered with goosebumps.  What I did was grab my cross and say "only God can enter this body".  I think I surrendered to God and the fear went away.  I haven't really felt much fear afterwards at all for the past year and a half since then.  I have been a baptised Orthodox Christian and worn a cross and chain since I was 7.  But I haven't really lived a Christian life other than say a short prayer before going to sleep everynight.  I smoked and drank 'till I would vomit, and participated in street fights, and had a very filthy mouth..  But I think wearing the cross and having at least a tiny bit of faith helped me at that particular point.  

Now all my bad habits are gone, and I don't wear the cross anymore because the cross is on the inside, and God protects me and not some piece of gold.

After the awakening of my heart chakra I remember having the constant thought that "nothing in this world really matters/it is an illusion" and "the love in my heart and the wisdom in my soul is all that matters" -- accompanied with the burning in the heart.

It is the burning in the heart that has driven my spiritual practice these past one and a half years.  It is sort of like a soft orgasm which I feel whenever I get any religious thoughts.  Today it has been burning all day since my AYP meditation and pranayama.  The feeling is also starting to spread to the stomach area.  And I am getting pressure/movement in the forehead area which I think is a signal that the third eye chakra is being purified/awakened.

I haven't really been getting much scenery at all during meditation, nothing lucid.  But I feel that I am progressing and now am able to pronounce the IAM mantra deeper in the mind. I eat alot less, and have lost about 15 kgs (or 33 lbs?), and have plenty of useless skin around my waist (was a bit overweight).  I am able to do brahmacharya for about two weeks and have noticed that I require less sleep during the night when I remain celibate for a while, which is a great bonus to the daily schedule.

I have been doing AYP practices for about ten months, and I haven't really gone past lesson 54 I think.  Neither am I in any real hurry like I used to be.  Today feels good

I must admit that I have been a bit of a rebel when it comes to AYP because I have been doing it in Virasana instead of Siddhasana.  It just feels natural to me, maybe that's my warrior (vira) nature
I do sit in Siddhasana sometimes when reading Holy texts such as the Bible and the energy flows are strong.

I still want Padmasana to be my main meditation seat.  A year ago I was unable to do full lotus, the pain was way too much, now I can do 35 minutes on both sides.  My target is at least 3 hours.  I need to get rid of my pain Karma and this is what my inner guru tells me to do.

I think that's all I have to say, I just wanted to get this out and share with someone, maybe it will be of interest.

Some wise quote is supposed to be put here.. umm God is Love and Love is Wisdom and Wisdom is knowing the Truth and the Truth will set us all free, sooner or later.

[yoginstar]

Dear Chiron,
As an astrologer, I can tell you that the name Chiron refers to the states "in between"... did you pick that name knowing that? Anyway, I have had very similar experiences to yours in 1988 , after the first heartchakra opening, and kundalini at the same time, I went into an entire period of frightful nights, I remember all of a sudden now, praying that the sun would rise over the horizon again in the morning to get into the day. It occurred again sometime in 1994 or so but not as bad but it lasted a long while. I have been wrecking my brain over the why of this, I have also been wrecking my brain over what people seem to call "the dark night of the soul", whether that was the same thing. I'm not used to OOB experiences or astral traveling or so, they frighten me:-) , the states that Yogani is describing in his lessons feel safe and comfortable on the other hand and one is in control and can self regulate (self pace). I think we probably encountered the point where light and darkness are one or where enlightenment and insanity meet, and I have wondered a long time of wjhy light attracts such darkness and astral interference, for yes I did feel that and I was not a good enough excorcist as you were with the cross, because my frame of mind at that time was that I was one with everything, i.e. a kind of non dual frame of mind, and it took me years to realize I could say NO to these experiences, and dual it up again:-) , .... eventually of course things subsided and I 'm pretty sure I will not get into those dark nights again, but I do feel that I have met up with "evil" and that yes, it does exist. The reason I am replying on this part of your post, is that I stil have a philosophical interest on what the heck is happening here with these dark fearful nights where you don't even DARE to close your eyes anymore and just pray that the day starts again...  unfortunately, this is not a very encouraging mail for others on the path, and as a consolation, I do think that if you do the Yogani lessons with self pacing, (I wasn't doing anything like that)  none of this weird  stuff will ever happen to you:-))
Have to rush!
Best!

[Chiron]

quote:Originally posted by Yogini
The reason I am replying on this part of your post, is that I stil have a philosophical interest on what the heck is happening here with these dark fearful nights where you don't even DARE to close your eyes anymore and just pray that the day starts again...

Yep, I remember going to bed at midnight and then lying until about 5 am with eyes half-open, curled up like a little puppy and praying.  When the first sunrays would light up the sky early in the morning, then I would relax a bit and fall asleep.  This went on for a few days, until I just surrendered to God's will.

It was a bit ironic now that I look at it -- being afraid of darkness and living a devilish life at the same time.  I think light was attempting to shine through my heart and I was terrified of it.  A higher type of consciousness was penetrating my being and my previous reality was being shattered, thus the terrible fear?  That's the only way I can explain it.

Now, even if all the demons of existence surround me and pierce my body a thousand times, I will still remain in God and God will still remain in me.  Living with the philosophy that all is God's will and that God is Just has done wonders for my existence.  I am very thankful for this fearlessness and this true faith that has been gifted to me.


I didn't know that Chiron refers to the states "in between" with regards to astrology.  I picked it because I have an injury which will never heal and which was inflicted in a careless accident by my most trusted and best friend, whom I still love.  This name speaks many things to me now, eg. an image of a centaur represents a being which controls its animal instincts (horse body) by a higher intellect (human head and torso), for a divine purpose..

Thank you very much for your reply, I'm glad I can speak with others who have had similar experiences.

[yoginstar]

Hi Chiron!
thank you for your wonderful post, how lovely/to remain in God and God will remain in you, beautiful! Chiron is states in between/altered states of consciousness,  the 'rainbowbridge' and mythologically the healer who was wounded with a wound which never heals. I am using the point of view that it means to consciously live on the earthplane (which is the wound that never heals metaphorically speaking)-- within the Christconsciousness (medulla/brow), so it's an inspiring name be it a bit offtrack. I mean that not being offtrack on this forum (which it also is), but Chiron in itself is a little offtrack quite often, not always though. Such as in altered states of consciousness also coming from drugs which can be offtrack:-) Anyway, functionally speaking Chiron is the healer and the teacher of the healing arts.
My first night of being terrified after the awakening of the kundalini and heartchakra which in itself came after praying almost incessantly for (in my memory, which I now doubt...) 7 hours earlier that day for a sick person whom I had never met.... going back to the philosophy of why these dark nights occurred... i.e. we went through similar experiences and opposite ironies? :-))
However, I DO understand how also the light can terrify one! Talking about mythology, there is a beautiful tale in Joseph Campbells "A Hero with a thousand faces", where a man meets up with the Goddess itself, sooo beautiful, so incredible, so light, that he falls dead at the spot, he can't take it... read it maybe yourself, if you ever come across it, and if interested, for my literary talents do no justice to this tale!
All the best!

[Chiron]

Opposite ironies, that's it! Brings the ying yang tai chi circle to mind.
Thanks for referring that book, I'll put it on my to-read list.