Hello again,
I just wrote a couple of days ago about a breakthrough on last Monday, when my lower back started tingling. Well, if that was a breakthrough, than what happened yesterday, was at least a BLASTthrough. After having lunch, I layed down for a usual weekend after-lunch nap for a couple of hours, and started to do a bit of spinal breathing, while visualising literally pulling energy up in my spine and guiding it towards my third eye, and also a snake coming up in the same manner. It felt good, I relaxed and after some time, fell asleep. Nothing special.
But then... I awoke some 3 hours later or so, and what I felt was devastating. It felt exactly how they describe it! Now, I'm not a hallucinogetic person or someone who easily believes stuff, I even had a hard time believing that kundalini is real (until yesterday), and I consider myself a realistic, logical, skeptical person. So I'm pretty convinced, that what happened was real, and it was kundalini!
To get to the point... It was probably the intense feeling that woke me up. I felt... well it's hard to put it into words! But I read a description somewhere that it's kind of like ejaculating up your spine, and that was exactly how I felt! It was VERY intense, I felt my spine vibrating, and I heard the buzzing noise when it reached my head, in what seemed to me like a millisecond, and I sensed it was going for my crown. Suddenly I became very frightened, because it was all so sudden and surprising, that I wanted it to stop. Only I couldn't move. I was completely in sleep paralysis. So I tried real hard, and finally I managed to move around a little, and slowly regained control over my body, and the vibration stopped. Holy sh**! -was my first thought. I stopped smoking two weeks ago, but now I was so shocked, that I went down to the shop and bought a pack of cigarettes (which I regret already).
I don't know why I became so frightened, probably because I panicked - am I ready for this? Will this kill me now? Is this surely a good thing? And I just stopped it. And now I'm in a bit of despair, because it will surely return soon, and I really WANT it to, I have a huge desire to finally step on this path, but it's so frightening!
Have you had a similar experience? How do you go sure about being ready for such a huge impact on your nervous system? And if you can't be sure, how did you take up the courage to still do it? Please give me some advice to go about, some calming words, because I really don't know what to do now... I've read so many negative accounts on kundalini and I really don't want to become a bipolar or a skizophrenic after this!
