Kundalini/Repressed anger, relationships and money

[karl]

quote:Originally posted by Rattan

I can also highly recommend this book by David Deida. It gives one insight into the man-woman relationship from a very fresh perspective. In Deida’s own unique style. I loved it.  It is not a “how to” manual, there are no techniques in it. Below the first two paragraphs from the book’s introduction to get a flavour.

“This book is a guide for a specific kind of newly evolving man. This man is unabashedly masculine—he is purposeful, confident, and directed, living his chosen way of life with deep integrity and humor—and he is sensitive, spontaneous, and spiritually alive, with a heart-commitment to discovering and living his deepest truth.

This kind of man is totally turned on by the feminine. He loves to take his woman sexually, to ravish her, but not in some old-style macho fashion. Rather, he wants to ravish her with so much love she is vanished, they both vanish, in the fullness of loving itself. He is dedicated to incarnating love on this earth, through his work and his sexuality, and he does so as a free man, bound neither by outer convention nor inner cowardice.”

I must have read that 50 times and still don't know what it means. I asked my wife if I was anything like the man portrayed here......she just laughed Well she gave me some ticks and low marks on the ravishing front, but a definite A+ on cuddles.

Damn I thought of myself striding the Earth incarnating Love [8)]

[HathaTeacher]

quote:Originally posted by karl
Damn I thought of myself striding the Earth incarnating Love [8)]

Sounds a little familiar, I admit[]
A source of inspiration rather than somebody asking me to to become a carbon copy of himself[]
(BtW., that's yet another common denominator between Deida and Yogani, IMO. )

[Jack]

I feel your warmth guys, thank you for that.

I meditated today.

Relationship with self is top. Fear of other is fear of self.
Relaxingbeyond hat I found some joy in my sitting today, and the idea occured that I can both be with inner silence, my new inner relationship, and till be joyful and engaged with my partner.

There is some resistance in the brain to the idea, but it is a possibility before nver considered.

Goodnight guys,

Jack

[Jack]

My partner thinks i am taking two steps back by meditating.


This is what came up after tonight's meditation.


Tired of constantly controlling my thoughts and feelings to maintain a kind of pseudopeace that is sacrifice of my own self to protect myself from getting anger from another. Constrant control and manipulation of others and myself out of fear of change and fear of conflict. I ave so many limiting beliefs about myself and life. I need my own life. I need my own time to care about me, to look after myself and my true feelings, rather than ignoring myself for another. I feel afraid and guilty for evn writing this, if this is een I'll bve judged and condemned and apparently it will mean that I don't "love" her. Well I do love her but I need to love myself and put myself first. I've had enough of the drugs and their effect on me. I hate feeling groggy, braindead, foggy headed, out of touch and depressed with myself. I dont get time to even think of myself or to make space for changes in life. I just work the same job day in day out and get no time for ME. I'm either working or with her, to hell with whatever is going on inside of me. Whatever I do share or say is scrutinised, analysed and usually with the tint that there is something fundamentally wrong with me. I resent it.

Do I want her? Well yes but not as much as I want ME. And it feels like I am sacrficng MY love to get HERS. Its an age old pattern of putting myself last to keep another happy.

So what do I need?

To feel connected with ME.
To stay off of drugs and not feel awkward without them.
A loving relationship, with someone who knows and loves me and perhaps shares something as far as this ongoing work in progress known as human spiritual evolution.


Connection with me, well who the hell is that.
Anger comes to mind but also anger without self-blame.. anger is a part of me simple as.

I never stand up for myself when it omes to translating feelings into expression, boundaries and practicalities.

So what do I want

A connection with myself.
Acceptance and understanding of my all and everything.
My health.

[Lili]

Hi Jack,

Hopefully Carson can chime in as he has experience overcoming similar problems.

Meanwhile greeting for you :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GfrIipujxfQ  

Best of luck--hope you will manage to find your balance and stability to spend some time on yourself.
Cheers, Lili

[Jack]

Thanks, Lily.

Another day of wanting space and feeling averse, even hostile.

I read a couple of articles from the Living Unbound site. She left for work and I sat to meditate.

After breathing meditation for just five minutes, I laid down for twenty minutes with hand over belly and heart.. I felt moved towards affirming "I am truly loved", and "There is nothing wrong with me"..

Felt a positive shift.

Had some inkling the stress is not from out there, but is mind generated.. and that what I am really sick and tired of is not the situation so much as the sense of separation.

Separation from the whole.. myself, her.

To remind myself I am loved without imagining another story to pull away, push away, isolate and hate.. to allow it to become celebration, but another chance to look for what is unlovable and unforgivable in myself and in her

Progress, and probably fleeting and prone to backslides, but something at least.

Jack

[Lili]

Hi Jack,

Good to see improvement - congratulate yourself and tap yourself on the back! Hope you can manage to keep a steady twice a day AYP practice as described in the section Main Lessons.

For more acute problems you could also check out www.eftuniverse.com --they have free manual and special section on relationships. For motivation you could watch some Abraham Hicks videos--there are a lot free vids on youtube http://www.abraham-hicks.com/lawofattractionsource/index.php  

Best wishes and hope all these problems resolve for you in 2011

Cheers,
Lili