Help With Self-pacing & Buildup of practice

[Chaz]

I'm quite the stubborn one here. Despite all the warnings and observable symptoms of overload, I've kept up a series of practices that I was unwilling to cut back on for the life of me. I'm guessing I was a little too attached to practices and the results I was looking for. I was starting to see the dark sides of overload just as much as the fruits of my practices. Not good.

So, after some advice from Shanti, I've cut back a lot on my practices. I was up to doing 5-10 minutes pranayama (with mulabandha, sambhavi, and siddhasana) yoni mudra kumbhaka for about two or three breaths, I was beginning to include spinal bastrika, about 15-20 minutes DM in siddhasana, and core samyama. On top of the AYP practices I was also bringing the sat-naam kriya back into my daily practices for over three minutes, which I had learned before AYP and found very beneficial. Didn't stop there either, I was also building up a practice of only a few minutes of these two kriyas to see if I could improve my financial situation http://anmolmehta.com/blog/2007/07/09/infinite-energy-prosperity-meditation-technique-free-guided-meditation-book-for-daily-practice-ch-5/ http://www.mrsikhnet.com/2011/01/31/meditation-for-prosperity/. Throw in some tantra practices in there too and I guess you have a recipe for overload.

Unfortunately I wasn't experiencing the love, happiness, and well-being I was looking for. I was more irritable and moody, my patience for people and myself was always running thin, still engaging in unhealthy and bad habits, lots of outbursts of anger and depression, etc. As I said earlier, I was experiencing the dark side of overload more than the benefits of practice. I choose to ignore it and continue with hopes things would improve, but now I am giving myself a break.

So now I'm at just 10 minutes of DM, twice a day. I started this since last Thursday and I plan to continue it till next Monday and add  5 minutes more to practice, and build up like that. Things seem to be balancing out more I think. The problem is, this isn't my first run in with overloading, and the last time I cut back on practices I found myself building up again pretty quickly. This time I want a steady buildup so this whole process can be smoother and I can finally see more benefits than overloading. I'm obviously not too good at self-pacing, so I need a little help developing a good plan for buildup. Can anyone assist? How long should I wait before I start adding more practices besides DM? And when will I know it's okay to progress forward safely in practices without worrying about overloading too much? It's about time I made things easier on myself, I kept trying to fix my problems with rigorous practice and really that only exaggerated everything, so I'm moving forward with care from this point.

[woosa]

Hi Chaz

I am just like you when it comes to practices!

Everyone is different so I can't give you a schedule of how to build up your practices. But when I do I always give it a week before upping or adding anything. If everything is okay after a week (I haven't turned into a rabid creature with big teeth and serious social problems) I add a little more the next week.

You could try that and see how it goes for you. You might need longer than that or less.

[Chaz]

Thanks Woosa, I will try a week and see how that works. Unfortunately though I think I may have to cut back even more.

For my second meditation today I sat for 10 minutes doing the IAM mantra, and then five minutes without the mantra in silence. After I got up though I felt weird, not really good or bad just different. I feel a little pressure in my head, it's not really a headache or anything too uncomfortable. There's a very subtle tingling now and then around the third eye as well.

Are these symptoms of overload still? Maybe I'm just paranoid and looking too deeply into any little symptom. Still, I can't afford to be an overloading wreck at this point in my life so I'm very cautious. Should I keep up with the ten minutes twice daily still or cut back some more?

[CarsonZi]

Hi Chaz,

In my experience, setting arbitrary time frames for increasing practices does not work.  In my experience/opinion practices should only be increased once we are stable and well adjusted to our current practice set.  And don't forget that the practices have delayed effects.  It can often take months for overload to show up after adding a new practice or increasing practice times.  This journey is really a marathon not a sprint and overdoing practices can be just as harmful/ineffective as underdoing practices.  

Another thing that may be worth mentioning here is that, for me, a big part of the unfolding has been learning to recognize and truly embody the truth that it is all about the journey, not the destination.  As the old addage goes, the journey IS the destination.  

Yogani has a great lesson on (what I would intuite is) the underlying motivator here.  It is the "Getting Enlightenment" lesson found here; http://aypsite.org/120.html

"I think the most effective strategy is for day-by-day. It is a higher path to take. Never mind enlightenment somewhere down the road. Is it good today? Is today better than yesterday, last week, and last year? That is something real and concrete. Enlightenment may be next year, or a hundred lifetimes from now. Who knows? How we feel today, and what we can do to feel better tomorrow -- that is not so nebulous. It is real, while enlightenment, salvation, or whatever, is out in the imagination somewhere.

The future isn't real. Today is real. It is misery to want a thing in the future, keeping it out there, out of reach. The future never comes. It is maya (illusion). On the other hand, it is bliss to want what we are having today, and tasting it being more already tomorrow. That is why I have said, "Do something nice for someone today." That is more enlightenment than we can find anywhere in our imagination of the future. If there is enlightenment, it is to be found today. It is a fine point. As long as we do practices for the future, enlightenment will remain in the future. If we do practices for happiness today and tomorrow, then enlightenment is suddenly much closer. Then we can relax a little and breathe. The relaxing and breathing is the enlightenment itself coming up."

Essentially it all comes down to balance, at least from my perspective.  If the balance between practices (and the effects of our practices) and daily living is out of whack, we will experience overload, just like you are.  In order to maximize our growth we need to (as best as possible) always remain in balance.  Then the fruits of our practices will be apparent and our daily living will be filled with wonder, awe and respect for the beauty of this journey.  Finding the balance and learning to walk the knife's edge is what it is all about.  It doesn't happen overnight and it takes constant awareness, self-honesty and a willingness to do what we must, in order to remain in balance.

Anyway, hope this helps in some way.  May you find the right balance for you and may you walk the knife's edge always.

Love,
Carson

[woosa]

The energy sensations around your head seems normal. I wouldn't worry about it. The trick is, is to let go of any energy sensations and treat it as scenery. If you make a big deal about it then you will make it worse!

That is up to the point when any sensations like pain and other unpleasantness arises and then self pacing needs to be administered. With regards to your dizziness it is for you to judge - if it is only brief after practices then maybe you need to rest longer. If it is happening during your daily life then definitely cut back.

Just take baby steps and bear in mind what Carson has said.

Finding your balance is much more important than doing the full 20 mins of DM or a set number of kumbhaka etc... because if you overdo it and the proverbial hits the fan then you will be slowing down the process even more because you will be self pacing a lot more.

[Shanti]

I am glad you are self pacing Chaz.

Carson and Woosa have given you great advice.
Take it slow. Baby steps.

And don't forget to ground, keep yourself busy and enjoy your life.

[Chaz]

I appreciate the helpful info Carson, and thanks for the input Shanti and Woosa. It does make sense that timing when to add on practices would not really work.

Thinking about my history with ayp I think I took it all on rather too quickly. In fact I may have been overloading before I even started AYP since last summer with doing the sat naam kriya and sodarshan chakra kriya, having little knowledge of how powerful these practices actually were. Once I got into AYP not very long after I just kept adding everything together. My symptoms of overload showed up during the end of 2011, but I was still attached to practices and kept doing them. When I finally cut back, I went a week with just 10 minutes and built up rather quickly again from that point.

To think how much smoother this whole year would have been if I had not be overloading this whole time.

For now, a cold shower every morning and ten minutes twice daily are all the practices I need. Meditation on the mantra for ten minutes is very easy and comfortable for me, so I will continue like this till overload symptoms have completely disappeared and adding more time seems right.

Thanks for all the advice,
Much love!