Hello,
First I just wanted to say that I am happy to be participating in this forum. A community of yogis, so cool.
I was very hesitant to join as I have had bad experiences with forums in the past. But I am happy to say that I am not afraid to post here as you are all so kind, loving and understanding. The energy is really great. So thank you!
I would like to talk a little bit about my experiences in the past few days and self pacing. Sorry if this post turns out a bit long, as I might cover a bit of my back story here so things make sense.
I first discovered AYP about 3 or 4 years ago. At the time I was just figuring out that I had basically awakened kundalini to some degree. This website answered a lot of my questions and was a great blessing. At the time I tried doing the practices, and it lasted maybe about one week. What happened is that too much energy started rising up in me and I got scared. I woke up one morning with my crown wide open and energy just streaming up. I was used to this happening while half asleep but it didn't go away for a few hours after I woke up, which was a bit unnerving. So I stopped.
Over the past few years I have come back every once in a while to the practices. I think 2 other times I tried doing them again, never sticking with it for more than a week.
Well suddenly I am feeling very drawn to consistent spiritual practice again. Over the past year the main practice I have done is just loving God and worshipping God inside my body through my heart.
I haven't felt much kundalini activity in the past year, compared to in the past. While I do have an incredible amount of sexual energy, I have been releasing it at least once per day with my girlfriend (now fiancee
! ) who I met about 9 months ago. [an amusing side note: right before I met her I was about to take off and live at an ashram in BC Canada and live there for quite a while, but I think that God felt I should be a householder yogi instead]
My bhakti has for a long time been pulling me towards a higher form of sexual expression, tantric love making, with my partner. I have however had a hard time doing this because of fear-blocks I have about kundalini. I have admittedly used sex as a means to keep kundalini from being too active in me.
About 4 days ago I think it was, I decided to begin daily sadhana and stick with it. I feel a deep urge inside me to do this that was not fully present before.
I started with 5 minutes of spinal breathing pranayama (with nothing extra added on) and 15 minutes of I AM meditation. I also talked to my partner about everything, and she was happy to be supportive in undertaking tantric love making practices.
The next day I felt a lot of energy movement in me. I felt the third eye and tailbone connection pretty much all day with energy moving up. I changed the meditation to 3 minutes of spinal breathing pranayama and 20 minutes of I AM meditation, then doing samyama on Love. Due to the increased amount of sexual energy in me, which also seemed to affect my partner, we made love twice but I did not release any energy.
The result was that I felt a bit ungrounded and a lot of energy was moving up. Later in the day we made love again but I decided to release my energy this time to calm things down a little.
I noticed that it did not really make much of a difference, my energy stayed pretty much the same. During the night I was woken up by a lot of electricity going up my left leg, and slightly painful feeling electric shocks in my crown chakra.
I've changed to 2 minutes of spinal breathing pranayama and kept 20 minutes of IAM meditation, then samyama on Love. I think yesterday morning I might have even skipped pranayama altogether and just done 20 minutes of I AM meditation.
Last night I had to stop the deep meditation at 15 minutes because my attention, despite my best efforts, kept being drawn to my crown chakra all by itself, which frightened me a little bit. Even right now as I write this I can feel my crown (I am not trying to put thought there).
My dilemma is that my bhakti is wanting to keep my sexual energy within me but I can't imagine how buzzed I would be after a whole week of not releasing my energy during sexual activity. Also I am a bit concerned by how much crown activity I am feeling.
Also today I am experiencing weirdness with my heart skipping beats doing a little fluttery thing. Feels kinda neat but I am wondering if anyone else has also had this happening. It might be worth mentioning that since starting daily sadhana I have been feeling a lot of energy in my heart, a lot of Love.
Any comments are welcome.
Namaste