At this point, even 2-3 minutes of breath-based mindfulness is proving to cause me to be anxious, uneasy and irritable. I have been doing AYP for roughly 1.5 years now with good progress. Although I am far from a full energetic awakening, I have had much evolution and as a result have become a happier and more loving person and I find it easier to stay grounded during the tides of life.
My sensitivity now is probably from pushing my practices during my initial months of ayp. I was naive and didn't wait for practices to stabilize before 'progressing', you live and you learn.
My practices now are my automatic self inquiry that happen throughout the day, prayer and cultivating a love of god. This has proved stable. Interestingly, although my amount of practice is at an all time low, the greatest shifts in perception are happening within me. I have gently asked for growth and to know god, and so I am being answered.
I think that I am being stopped from my regular practices to work on myself in other ways. To tune myself and learn to love. Sometimes I suspected that things within me just may burst open like a dam and leave my external life in dire straits... I think that is part of the reason I am held back, for my own protection. It's just not my time to make those kinds of leaps.
Just wanted to share this. I used to hope that I would move through this sensitivity soon, but I realize that it's all moving along perfectly.
I know I will return to AYP sitting practices eventually. I don't know just when that will be, but when I do, I will sink into the spring of spirit. Until then it seems I have a different kind of work to do!
Blessings to all
