Loss of body feeling in meditation

[YogaIsLife]

Hi All,

I was searching the forums but did not find information on this particular "problem".

Sometimes, during a deep meditation session (I don't practice AYP DM by the way, but a "just sitting and being quiet" kind of meditation, with occasional attention on the breath for centering), I lose the sense of the body and go into some kind of "weird space". It can be that I feel like I am "becoming" a bigger space, or other times there are "distoritions in space" (like my limbs feel inflated, etc.), well hard to explain - the common feature is a kind of expansion and a loss of the feeling of having a solid and confined body. Gradually the limits of my body feel fuzzy and can disapear altogether and I lose a bit the sense of "orientation" ('where/who am I?'). This is nothing new as I remember even as a child (yes, I kind of meditated when I was young ) having similar experiences (in and out of meditation), and they have happened again on and off since I started formal meditation routine (I kept AYP DM for months and was also happening then).

To be honest it feels very weird and scary quite a bit, not nice at all in the vast majority of times. Kind of unconfortable. Any idea on why this is so?

I spoke with an experienced meditator (30+ years) that told me this is actually a good sign, meaning I am going deeper. I understand this intelectually but the organic feeling is a bit scary. Like I am 'losing myself'. It may sound wonderful for a lot of you but it does not feel so! So I want to self-pace and take it slow. Any advice on this?

For now I've been taking it as it comes, slowly and with self-pacing for safety. It is alright like this but anyway, any similar experiences/advice will be appreciated to maybe make for a smoother ride. I think this has to do with a very deeply ingrained fear that seemed to be there even before birth, so I believe this may have come mainly from past life experiences, possibly bad managed or agressive practices!

Thank you.

[christiane]

Hi YIL

I would lie if I said that experiencing what u described would make me feel uncomfortable.. at least now.. it was, the first times it happened..
When you feel 'losing' the link with your body, that threatend the mind! the mind gets scared and keeps on holding to the body!
Whereas the expansion happens slowly, naturally, smoothly, the mind feels great fear and says "COME BACK! DANGER!"
My advice, according to what I tried to do with it, : just be playful and next time it happens, just let the mind play, and when you feel you're starting to lose the "physical" matter, and become fluid like, try to say "yes"..a simple yes... and go on, go on, smoothly, let it go and relax..trust..nothing could happen. You WON'T leave your body.. you are safe. But just try to say "yes" to this new sensation.. surrender to it and if a contraction comes, it's ok.. little by little, you'll get used to this letting go..

We are deeeeeply identified with the bodymind.. from lives..
It takes time to heal this..


Maybe others will be more helpful here..

[YogaIsLife]

Hi Christiane and thanks!

Ok, it makes sense what you say, and I am happy to know you felt the same and it got better. I do try to accept it but it is tough sometimes. But your advice of "being playful" (not making it a scary thing) and saying yes makes sense. So thanks![] I'll keep you posted if there are prpgresses.

[Kirtanman]

Hi YIL,

quote:Originally posted by YogaIsLife

Hi All,

I was searching the forums but did not find information on this particular "problem".

That's because in yoga, it's not a problem .............. it's an objective.

You've heard of samadhi?

Welcome to samadhi.



(Or, at least, a precursor.)

One of the biggest favors you can do for yourself yogically, is to just let go into what's happening, regarding this expansion dynamic {letting Inner Guru/Intuition guide you, of course}.

quote:
To be honest it feels very weird and scary quite a bit, not nice at all in the vast majority of times. Kind of unconfortable. Any idea on why this is so?

Yes: you've been conditioned over the course of a lifetime that you *are* your body-mind.

Releasing attention entirely from this identification, and expanding into the full field of awareness .... is both foreign-feeling and scary at first, for many practitioners.

However, if you can allow yourself to let go into the experiencing of the expansion ........ greater bliss and peace than you have ever imagined possible ... who and what you actually are, independent of identification ..... awaits.



(It's worth getting past the fear, about nine zillion times over. <- "Unofficial estimate" ... )

And your mind might rest a bit more easy with the help of some "applied logic": you're sitting there meditating; if there was a *real* risk of the expansion causing some kind of permanent disconnect .... we'd hear about it happening all the time.

Now, of course: permanent disconnect *can* happen.

There's a term for people who have experienced this.

We tend to call them ............ gurus.



And yes, some of this is said a bit tongue-in-cheek ..... but sincerely, also:

This is very much a sign of moving in the right direction; as "right" as it gets!

quote:Like I am 'losing myself'. It may sound wonderful for a lot of you but it does not feel so! So I want to self-pace and take it slow. Any advice on this?

Go with intuition, of course ...... but in my experience, letting go all the way was immediately rewarded with a sense of:

"What was I afraid of?? This is AWESOME!!"

Thoughts of fear come up based on imagining what can happen .... and they basically have nothing at all to do with what can happen or does happen.

(So it goes in life, so it goes in meditation. )

quote:
For now I've been taking it as it comes, slowly and with self-pacing for safety. It is alright like this but anyway, any similar experiences/advice will be appreciated to maybe make for a smoother ride. I think this has to do with a very deeply ingrained fear that seemed to be there even before birth, so I believe this may have come mainly from past life experiences, possibly bad managed or agressive practices!

Thank you.

Or, again, just the identification with form on all levels (body, thoughts, feelings, etc.) that's been deeply reinforced in this lifetime, independent of practices (<-- and this isn't said to say that your thoughts about past lives are not correct; I have no way of knowing this, of course ..... it's just that sometimes, the simplest explanation is all that's needed. )

I hope this helps.

Wholeheartedly,

Kirtanman

PS- I've heard a lot of people express fear, regarding this "expansion dynamic" in meditation; I experienced it, myself. I don't know if you remember this, but a couple-ish years ago, I went from posting a kind of a regular, albeit enthusiastic AYPer .... to posting a lot about the BIG stuff being REAL. For me, letting go into the expansiveness ...... was *the* gateway to the BIG stuff ..... and simply put: I've never heard *anyone* say, after the fact, that they were sorry they let go into it.

"C'Mon IN ..... The DIVINE is FINE!!"

[YogaIsLife]

quote:if you can allow yourself to let go into the experiencing of the expansion ........ greater bliss and peace than you have ever imagined possible ... who and what you actually are, independent of identification ..... awaits.

Hi Kirtanman!

Thank you so much for the very enthusiastic post! It is indeed motivating, and it makes sense in many ways. And if you say it is worth it, then why not find it out for myself?

Yes, it can (must) be identification with the body-mind. It must be that this identification is strong indeed. When/how it happened it is still not clear to me, but apparently it is there, and in fact stronger than I suspected or believed it to be.

That *fear* is not just mental (I don't sit and analyse 'hmmm...am I disapearing? where is my body? etc.), but rather an imediate organic feeling, because it is a real experience. It is something (a perception) "out of the ordinary" and so I guess it scares the mind (an expansion into the expanded field of awareness as you so well put it). The question that arises then is more on the lines of "where am I now?", "where is my body" or a deeper one "who am I in all this?"

And thanks for trying to put my mind at rest with some "applied logic", this is highly appreciated! I do hope I don't get permanently disconnected or, at least, in the "limbo" between the body and this infinite awareness. I suspect I've been there before (hence the fear), and it is not pleaseant. So I have to learn to let go completely this time.

Just to clarify and know if this is the same for others: it seems to me that this happens because I become still...quite still...it is like I am falling back into the center/the witness/myself. The more I can remain still and simply observe whatever arises from this stillness, then this will tend to happen. That is probably why I lose sense of the body, because it becomes perfectly still. In stillness there is no duality (there can't be, it is impossible), hence no feeling of "here" or "there" or "anywhere"! Hence the scariness of this "expansion". But I am very glad to know that this seems to be a step in the process and it happens to many others...thank you so much for all the inspiration and advice. I'll keep you posted (if/when I return! <- I feel like an astronaut!)

THANK YOU ALL!!!

[christiane]

quote:Originally posted by YogaIsLife
[I'll keep you posted (if/when I return! <- I feel like an astronaut!)

[jonesboy]

I have been wondering about this. When my awareness comes back while in DM it seems that I have to take a few seconds to find the orientation of my body, my head. No fear, nothing crazy going on just that. Is it the beginning of the witness? Or is it just wishful thinking? I can now feel my crown chakra spinning in and out of meditation. No pain or overload symptoms no pleasure either. Not sure if that is related or not.

It is good to see others sharing the same experience to one degree or another..

[Yogaman]

I had one experience like this early on. The anxiety popped me out of the "zone". I've not really been able to reach it again even months later. But I did sense at the time time that it was my mind's self-preservation mechanism that was experiencing the fear of dissolution: I thought of the mind as this perpetual motion machine that believes (perhaps rightly so) that it needs to constantly be "working" or "in motion" in order to exist. It sensed itself not being needed, and freaked out. At least that was my take at the time

Having experienced it once I was hoping it would help me the next time I encounter that state but it hasn't happened again yet. I'm hoping I will be ready next time. My fear of going into that unknown is what stopped me before.

[tonightsthenight]

Yogaman, you'll get used to it in time and it will just be a normal thing, like any other sensation you take for granted. No reason to resist anything with K. When the consciousness expands perceptions change, that's all.

[Yogaman]

quote:Originally posted by tonightsthenight

Yogaman, you'll get used to it in time and it will just be a normal thing, like any other sensation you take for granted. No reason to resist anything with K. When the consciousness expands perceptions change, that's all.

Thanks TTN.