Hello Dharma-friends,
this is just sharing my present progress, and situation, perhaps more then anything else. I'm new here, so if you don't mind... I'll feel much more comfortable and secure, knowing, that my friends also know where I'm at with the practices. Thanks. Also, one question on self-pacing maybe.
As some of you may know, I am now in AYP a little less then three months. I needed some time for a transition from vipassana once daily for 30 - 40 min + some traditional pranayama practices 2 - 3 times a week. So, it's like two months now of deep meditation 20 min + spinal breathing pranayama 10 min, twice daily. For at least one month, I'm now experiencing significant effects of the new practices. A couple times the idea of self-pacing came to my mind, but today I actually thought for the first time of cutting down my practice a little might be appropriate. As you probably know, self-pacing is really not needed in ordinary daily practice of classic Buddhist techniques, and so it is a new concept for me. However, I'm not without any experience in it either, since I previously ran into some heavy stuff with vipassana a couple times (during full-time meditation retreats.) Also, I'm involved in a powerful in-depth experiencial therapy, which sometimes profoundly rebuilds your psyche overnight, or causes circumstances to occur, which are often not easy to incorporate into your existing worldview, and demand radical changes.
After my one to two months of DM+SB practice, I noticed various symptoms. Increase in vitality and spontaneity, a tendency to stay awake and work or create something late into the night, improved communication and empathy, better access to instant intuition, a new kind of loud and open laughter, ecstatic currents and discharges during meditation or/and asana practice (especially closing savasana is now often quite orgasmic) and also simply during activity, increased tendency to celebrate with friends (in fact, after three beers and one joint, I feel now rather like after three beers, one joint, and 1/2 of an ecstasy pill...), also I noticed my body being able to relax better during asana practice, which allows me suddenly to go deeper into the positions without pain, and generally more concentrated and calm mind during asana practice.
Today I had an interesting, and a little frightening dream. First I dreamed that I am in the flat where I live, and that it is night. (My flat in my dreams always symbolizes my mind, or my life. Simply the place where I live.) I was using cocaine, despite a feeling that I don't really want to. (I think this time the drug symbolized simply intense stimulation of my nervous system.) I knew, that if I will agree to take that cocaine, one of my male friends, who actually provided it, will start to make a loud party there. (This friend of mine is a typical masculine energy guy, suffering serious manic psychosis.) I knew, that this will disturb and "cause danger" to my two female flat mates. (These symbolizing the well established, good working, and dear structures of my self.) The Eros in me, lust, forced me to take the drug, and ignore the qualm.
In the next scene I observed a computer screen. (That's actually from where AYP came to me.) Suddenly the icons begun to behave strangely. It felt suspicious. They turned bigger, then blurred, even bigger. At that point I knew something's going wrong. Pressure begun to raise quickly, and I could hear a frightening whistle becoming stronger and stronger. The screen begun to reflect wavy patterns. In the next second a complete collapse of my consciousness, accompanied with a loud sound, like when you emergency-turn-off a big electric engine. One second complete blackout. At the same time something strongly hit the back of my neck. This was perhaps the most frightening thing, because it was VERY strong, like when someone hits you accidentally with a soccer ball, during a real game. I woke up immediately. (So this was clearly a system collapse, caused by overload.)
Okay friends, so this is what I have to share today. I'll keep an eye on the effects of the practices on me. If you can relate, or have some advice, please let me know. I'll appreciate it.
Roman
P.s.: The interpretations of the roles in my dream are just suggestions, of course. There may be better ones...
