Yo-yoing?

[Lacinato]

I got the AYP book a while ago--maybe a year or so ago. I started practicing faithfully at the beginning of September with the pranayama (since I had been practicing un-faithfully), in the sitting position (this came automatically). I noticed something a few months before I started faithful AYP. One, was that if I relaxed completely, my body would often start with automatic yoga movements--VERY rapid movements of the head or belly or pelvis. This was before any regular meditation. It's not a seizure because I can choose not to do it. But it is there, all this energy that wants to get out.

Then I started AYP because I felt stuck, and mildly depressed for the first time in my life. I have never been prone to depression, or mood swings--now I realize I have used my mind to numb myself of my feelings (most likely from past life karma). So I was eager to move quickly and feel more normal, more like myself. It was like Tolle says, sometimes it can be good when someone has a heavy pain body, because they get tired of it, and inspired to cast if off.

So now I am doing this, and getting the strong urge for automatic yoga. At the same time, I have had times where my nervous system feels burnt out, or I feel too light and floaty (this isn't enjoyable either)... so I back off. But at the same time, my nervous system has all this energy it wants to expel, and it makes me feel weighed down with stuck emotion. My appetite is also mirroring this--I develop a huge appetite and then feel numbed, then I feel floaty so I want to eat more to ground myself.

How do I balance this? I miss feeling normal--I hate feeling spacey but I also hate feeling stuck full of energy that wants to escape. This was happening before, so I feel like "back off the practice" doesn't address the whole thing. Honestly, I would go back to my old numb self if I could, but it doesn't seem like an option. My health has also been better since starting meditation (improved vision, less allergies, need less sleep), and I can't ignore that.

[anthony574]

I'm sure I won't be the only one to suggest grounding yourself through activities other than yoga. I experience a similar pattern and found after a lot of frustration that, as Yogani stresses, just do the practices and go on with the rest of your day. Exercise, play music, dance, go out with friends, watch movies, do charity work...

Doing things "non-yoga" can be just as important as doing yoga.

[Lacinato]

Thank you--I will keep focused on those. I am very, very busy with graduate school so have limited time for those fun things. Being on the computer for hours probably doesn't help but can't be totally avoided. I have been doing very un-yoga things like listening to hip-hop and watching comedies when I have spare time.

Another thing I remembered--in addition to chin pump, my body wants to do bastrika, too, especially during deep meditation. I started doing it before meditation so it wouldn't interrupt. Sometimes it does anyway, but not as much. So it's hard not to move too fast.

[anthony574]

Well, grad school can serve as a great focus for your energy, though I'm sure it is not too much fun sometimes.

I think that there is an inherent danger in deeming things "un-yoga" like watching comedies and listening to "secular" music. This can create a rift in one's life and in my experience can lead to tension against oneself. All things are yoga as long as they are done in awareness :-)

[Lacinato]

I think that there is an inherent danger in deeming things "un-yoga" like watching comedies and listening to "secular" music. This can create a rift in one's life and in my experience can lead to tension against oneself. All things are yoga as long as they are done in awareness :-)
[/quote]

Yes, it can be negative, but it can also feel grounding ("normal") and help to socialize with my peers--which brings oneness, etc. Like you said, depends on the level of awareness. I still have to be careful, if things get too violent or sexist (which happens pretty often), I have to turn them off because they just bring me down in an unhappy way (vs. grounding). So I guess that means I am paying attention--good!

[GoldenLakshmi]

Hi Lacinato,

One of the practices that helps me the most when the energy becomes too much is walking in Nature. I find the colors very soothing to look at and be surrounded by and the quiet. Simple things like listening to sound my footsteps make, or the birds, the sound of my breath. I find these very grounding.

I find It's very important for me to make a conscious effort to connect with Nature in this way everyday. Maybe there is a park nearby you or near your college.

Also, don't know if you are in a commited relationship of not, but also 'making love' can be very grounding and a good way to cast off any excess energy - it can be done solo too[]

GoldenLakshmi

[Lacinato]

Thank you! Will do

[Lacinato]

Update: I decided to go back to just meditation, no breathwork or other practices at all, twice a day. I don't give into the automatic yoga, I just relax into it. I feel so much better, so much more myself. I was getting much too floaty, looking back.

I am grateful for the emphasis on self-pacing and very practical take on yoga here. Otherwise, I would have burnt myself out and quit, I'm sure. Instead, doing just the meditation has proven to be very calming and allows me to still feel grounded. I will add the pranayama back in when it feels right. Right now the idea makes me feel uncomfortable.