God Realization

[Kyman]

Vil, I hadn't been doing any spiritual practice either.

When I was 17 I was hit on 95, then three months later by a drunk driver.  I used to help teach martial arts.  I was enrolled my jr year as PSU.  But I ended having to get a surgery where my spine was cut open so nerves could be severed.  This launched me into a downward spiral because I had to drop out of everything.  And my first love relationship ended in the most tragic way.  Then we moved to Virginia.

The basis of my identity was taken from me, so without spiritual wisdom active in my mind I lived in my head, in thoughts, memories, keeping that dead ego alive.  I used alcohol and drugs, tv, etc, in order to keep my old self on life support.

For years I was in the most depressed state.  I would stay up for 4 days at a time, numb, stuck in my thoughts.  

Then I met this one girl, whom I told to stay away from me. I said I am  no good for you and I am still attached to someone in my past.  She persisted for five months and finally got me to let go of the past some.  

Then one day I caught myself cussing inside my head.  At myself.  Being the most aweful voice.  I never spoke to anyone else like I spoke to myself.  Moron, you worthless idiot.  Stupid. I hate you, etc.  Well, with my new semi sense of clarity I saw that was really unhealthy.  

I said to myself in the mirror, everyone thinks the world of you.  Everyone laughs at your humor.  People fall in love with you at a deep place.  You are a beautiful person.  And every time a thought came into my head that was negative I found a mirror and said nice things to myself.

This began a three week process where the negative thoughts accumulating from years of past trauma began to fade.  My hyperfocus returned.  I had many spiritual insights from 6-7 years before my 23rd b-day, and they all RUSHED into my mind.

And the end of the third week it happened.  I was sitting in my room, and wondering about this world.  I remembered learning about the brain in psychology, developmental, and cognitive.  My brain used that knowledge to break apart the room.

Stimuli, coming into my brains, where structures interpret the pattern and feed it to the conscious mind.

At that moment I was immersed, real-time, into this seemless process.  I sat on the corner of my mind, completely taken hold by the moment.  And my mind collapes.  All my memories and past knowledge were restructured.  Things like pride, fear, collective consciousness, pain, growth, death, time, LOVE, became known at once.  The perspective of wholeness.

I didn't experience any inner body sensations.  Just intense bliss which lasted nearly three months.  During that three months I was like a child, mesmorized by all the newness around me.  The realness around me.

During this time I started meditating for the first time in over 13yrs.  It was easy.  I just layed in bed, and I was meditating naturally.

Around 8 months later I read autobiography of a yogi.  I heard about the inner body, read about this strange inner world.  Then I asked god to show me the way, that I sincerely wanted to develop myself this way.

The natural result of this was me imagining my inner spine.  After a couple days I felt the first sensation in my lower spine.  It took me a long time before this sensation traveled completely up my spine.  

At the time I cuoldn't even meditate upright.  My spine was and is stil so mangled that I always meditated in the corpes position.  I'm proud of myself to say that now after all these years of practice I can meditate in an upright position as long as I want, and often without any pain.  And this painlessness is starting to move into the rest of my body.  When I get a migraine, I focus on the pain and feel nothing.  

David, yes I have been doing kechari for a few months now, and it has helped to bridge my mind to the rest of my body.  It is indeed powerful, and there seems to be an evolution to it.  The place on the hard palate where I often had my tongue has begun to clench or squeeze when the energy locks.  

Sorry for the long post, Vil, but I hope what I shared will help you self reflect.

[yogani]

quote:Originally posted by Balance

Does anyone suppose that it is possible to become enlightened without experiencing any kundalini events? Writings of, or by, many enlightened people don't mention such things having been experienced. Is it just a matter of course that being in a body one will have kundalini experiences? Maybe those people just didn't feel it was necessary to mention. As you say there are as many experiences as there are people, could kundalini experiences be "overlooked" in some cases. It's hard to imagine something of that nature being overlooked.

Hi Balance:

Sure, it is possible. Kundalini symptoms are the experience of purification occuring in the nervous system, and they are specific to the unique matrix of obstructions within us. Purification can occur without much in the way of symptoms, if practices are undertaken in a balanced way. Purification can be occurring steadily underground, deep within us. Then, one day, we will notice that our view has changed. It can happen like that.

There are plenty of accounts of advanced souls in history going through dramatic experiences on the way to enlightenment -- time in the desert, dark night of the soul, fire and brimstone, etc. Which does not mean we all will ... better not to draw too many conclusions about experiences happening or not happening ... just keep going with practices with good self-pacing and we will see whatever "scenery" there is along the way.

Interestingly, the ancients did not have the refined level of yoga technology and understanding we do today, so they may have been exposed to more extremes than we are, not less. We owe them a lot -- those courageous spiritual pioneers who paved the way for all of us. And may those who come after us have even better information on the means and processes of human spiritual transformation.

There are many indications in the historical writings that the enlightenment process is universal, with the human nervous system being the common denominator. Every culture has its own terminology to describe the journey, and they all are describing in one way or other the same things we are talking about here on a daily basis. We can read similar descriptions of transformation from many sages coming from diverse geographies and traditions over the centuries.

As for kundalini going up, or down, or sideways, it is all of these. The neurobiology of kundalini is spread throughout the body (in every cell!) and we will experience sensations wherever purification happens to be occurring in the moment. There is also the phenomenon of "ecstatic conductivity" that arises throughout the body, so experiences in one area will be instantly connected with experiences elsewhere, and everywhere -- this is the neurobiology of rising Oneness. It gradually expands over time, reaching beyond the body, assuming we are continuing with practices. If we are not continuing with practices, then the pattern of purification can stall in a particular area, giving rise to experiences that do not necessarily represent the broad progression of unfoldment.

Experiences do not produce spiritual progress. Practices do.

And "grace" comes to those who cultivate bhakti (desire for God and/or Truth), and subsequently engage in practices. Then the whole cosmos is rushing to promote our spiritual progress. "Grace" can also come (seemingly out of nowhere) to those who have longed for awakening and engaged in practices in the past, perhaps an unremembered past. In that case, it can be called "karma."

Just some food for thought. Welcome aboard VIL!  

The guru is in you.

[david_obsidian]

Scott asked:
Why do you confine it to the bottom up experience? I'm not suggesting you're wrong by asking...I'm really curious.

I see it as the original meaning of 'kundalini'.  Not that original is always best,  but I want a word for this phenomenon of 'energy' moving up the spine, which means that and that alone.  The expansion of its meaning is an example of synechdoche. ( I used to think Synechdoche (syn-ECK-doe-key ) was a city in upstate New York, but now I know better, and think I should share my learning. )  

It's like if 'a cough' is expanded in meaning to mean 'a cold',  we may have trouble discussing them clearly. My reasons are no more than that.

And indeed 'kundalini' is to 'the enlighenment process' as 'a cough' is to 'a cold'.  

VIL,  welcome to the forum.  And to the enlightenment process itself!

[VIL]

Kyman, thank you so much for sharing your experience.  Wow, I am really at a loss for words and am truly amazed at what you went through.  I will definitely reread your post and contemplate your words.  Thank you, again:  

quote:Kyman: I didn't experience any inner body sensations. Just intense bliss which lasted nearly three months. During that three months I was like a child, mesmorized by all the newness around me. The realness around me.

I've heard a few others state that they had this same experience of bliss and it's an awsome state of being.  I'm hoping that I can feel the same thing some day.  Must have been amazing.

 

quote:yogani: "Grace" can also come (seemingly out of nowhere) to those who have longed for awakening and engaged in practices in the past, perhaps an unremembered past. In that case, it can be called "karma."

Could be.  Hmmm, I really don't know.  But I do know the process, without a doubt, even before it happens.  I'm just not sure if it was some sort of connection I had with my future self through the dream state or if it is from a past life.  

Scott, I don't have a clue if it's possible or not to reach Enlightenment without the Kundalini Awakening.  I believe all things are possible, but I don't have the knowlege to say one way or the other.  Let's put it this way, the more I learn, the less I know and I'm not saying that to sound lofty - I mean it.

yogani, I really enjoy your posts, but I don't understand this:

 

quote:yogani: If we are not continuing with practices, then the pattern of purification can stall in a particular area, giving rise to experiences that do not necessarily represent the broad progression of unfoldment.

Experiences do not produce spiritual progress. Practices do.

Do you think that there is an innate wisdom, intelligence [Kundalini] that can unblock certain areas without a particular practice that will produce spiritual progress?  The reason that I ask is that I do not practice anything and the Kundalini is moving ever upward on its own accord.  Or is it something I do subconsciously or does it have to do with Karma?  I dunno.

VIL

[Balance]

Ditto on the thanks for sharing your experience Kyman. I too am at a loss for words[]

I'll buy it thus far that being in a body necessitates conscious awareness rising up the spine (if those are the right words). Though some zen masters (for instance) became suddenly enlightened, it wasn't written whether or not they experienced such a thing (kundalini rising) at the time of "enlightenment" or before or after. Other zen masters record, or at least talk in circles about kundalini/samadhi events. Even Tolle mentions the sucking up and out kind of thing. I'll also buy the past life conditioning, at least it sounds good. It's interesting, since we've been discussing this I've been getting that old vortex/stillness thing happening in my head[] It's nice to to be reminded that I'm not just sitting, and sitting, and nothing ever happens. Of course, I have been growing a lot over the months in good ways.

Peace and Love, Alan

[yogani]

quote:Originally posted by VIL
...do you think that there is an innate wisdom, intelligence [Kundalini] that can unblock certain areas without a particular practice that will produce spiritual progress?  The reason that I ask is that I do not practice anything and the Kundalini is moving ever upward on its own accord.  Or is it something I do subconsciously or does it have to do with Karma?  I dunno.

Hi VIL:

Yes, there is certainly in innate wisdom that is eager to open us with all the force of nature. This is an energy manifestation of our own inner nature. Our essential nature is inner silence, also called pure bliss consciousness. Before we consciously become "that" through daily deep meditation and other means, we can still be in partnership with the energy manifestations of it, or perhaps feel victim to the energy, depending on the degree of inner silence (our true self) we have stabilized in our nervous system. This is why we place deep meditation first in AYP -- because inner silence is the foundation of all spiritual progress. Kundalini is just energy moving instinctively inside us. We have to transcend it to manage it. Then it becomes relatively easy.  

Regarding an active kundalini, it really does not matter how how we got to this point. What matters most is how we manage it from now on. In AYP there are a variety of ways to balance and safely promote the advance of kundalini unfoldment. Spinal breathing pranayama is chief among these.

In the case of Gopi Krishna, who I believe you mentioned, he spent years in arduous yoga practices with intense desire and effort, casting his fate to the wind, and eventually achieved a crown opening. Unfortunately, he did not have the knowledge either before or after his opening to conduct a more orderly transformation, so we have a famous story of kundalini throwing this fellow from pillar to post for 15+ years. Well, it does not have to be that way.

Which is not to say you have been trying to make this happen, at least not in recent memory. But now that it has happened, the question is, how are you going to handle it from now on? You are in a much better position than Gopi Krishna was, thanks to all the work that has been done by many people since his time.

How we proceed will determine whether we have a long drawn out process vascillating between excess and stagnation, or a progressive and smooth awakening that is not getting stuck as we spend more time analyzing the experiences of our purfication than engaging in the means that will move us steadily and safely onward through our opening.

While there is a vast innate intelligence at work, it is also very much a matter of cause and effect. Nothing happens without reason, and in spiritual matters that reason is embodied in our thoughts, feelings and actions.

Btw, quite a few have come to AYP over the past few years with previous spontaneous kundalini awakenings, some very extreme, and in most cases the practices have been useful for stabilizing the inner energies and leading to relatively smooth and steady progress. So there are tested resources here, not only for those who are starting out, but also for those who have found themselves in need of some tools on just about any part of the path.

On the other hand, if you would like to wing it, that is okay too. It is your path and no one here is going to tell you what to do. AYP is an open resource that anyone can use for self-directed practice. You will get plenty of suggestions though.

All the best!  

The guru is in you.

[VIL]

Wow, great post, yogani.  You gave me a lot to think about.  Thanks again.

Okay, I've decided to try AYP, so I've begun reading about Yoga on your main page and we'll see where it goes from there:  

VIL

[Kyman]

I'm afraid my experiences came off with more umph than there was at the time.  I have no doubt that everyone here has experienced the same thing.  Of course, it can't be exactly the same because we are all unique, but you get my point.

And thank you for giving me a chance to share.  It feels so good to do so.

[Shanti]

quote:Originally posted by Kyman


During this time I started meditating for the first time in over 13yrs.  It was easy.  I just layed in bed, and I was meditating naturally.

Around 8 months later I read autobiography of a yogi.  I heard about the inner body, read about this strange inner world.  Then I asked god to show me the way, that I sincerely wanted to develop myself this way.

Thank you for sharing this Kyman. That was indeed inspiring...

Just one question... you said meditation came naturally to you right? Did you know about it before or were you introduced to meditation before or did you read it up somewhere? Or did this state of bliss just naturally take you into meditation?

"autobiography of a yogi"...... was my saviour too..  got me looking..

[Shanti]

quote:Originally posted by VIL


Okay, I've decided to try AYP, so I've begun reading about Yoga on your main page and we'll see where it goes from there:  

VIL

Welcome to the forum VIL.

[VIL]

Thank you, Shanti!  

VIL

[Kyman]

quote:Originally posted by Shanti

quote:Originally posted by Kyman


During this time I started meditating for the first time in over 13yrs.  It was easy.  I just layed in bed, and I was meditating naturally.

Around 8 months later I read autobiography of a yogi.  I heard about the inner body, read about this strange inner world.  Then I asked god to show me the way, that I sincerely wanted to develop myself this way.

Thank you for sharing this Kyman. That was indeed inspiring...

Just one question... you said meditation came naturally to you right? Did you know about it before or were you introduced to meditation before or did you read it up somewhere? Or did this state of bliss just naturally take you into meditation?

"autobiography of a yogi"...... was my saviour too..  got me looking..

When I was a boy my father moved beyond his illnesses/dependencies and became involved with buddhism.  At this point he started meditating, and would do so for the next few years.  He made me get up with him every morning for a short time before school, which was a brief stint.  It was just 5 min for me at first but I went up to 10 min.  I recall falling asleep most of the time sitting there, but towards the end, it got easier.  And the very last time we did that was the best meditation I had, timeless.

I had no inkling of understanding of that but my entire personality was revolutionized.  There was a lot of pain and chaos early on.  Made me a very selfish, mean, and destructive child.  But almost overnight I changed, and became the sharing type at school.  

The method was stare at the wall as best I could without losing focus.

After that point I never did it again until after I turned 23.  And it was easy because I was completely immersed into the observation of mind.  I was actually not able to come out of the meditation.  People around me didn't understand me.  I was terribly frustrating to those who's moods were typically negative.

You know what's sad?  The girl who pursued me so long allowed me to fall in love with her.  While in love my whole self was conceived.  But...once my joy emerged and I wasn't depressed and sad (blissful is a strong contrast), she didn't know how to relate to me.  I wasn't like her father anymore, who a very dependent person too.  Wasn't long before she was repulsed by me, on an unconscious level.  She just couldn't relate.  Her identity lost its counter-part, zack's ego.  Zack's ego dissappear for those three months.  Co-dependency, especially on an emotional level, was impossible.  I even told her things like, I can't make you happy, only you can.  If this doesn't last so what, we aren't there yet.  Lets make sure it does by making the best moments, etc.

One time, and I will never ever forget this.  I was taken over by that one and only, indescribable sense of bliss, and she didn't understand.  I wasn't acting weird, just talking inspirationally, telling her how good this feels, trying to spark her interest.  I kept saying, honey I wish you could feel this with me.  

Later on we had an fight about tensions building up, and there was a release.  We talked about perspective while laying in bed.  I looked at her said I just wish you could see things like I do, and a tear rolled down my cheek.  She brushed off from my face, along with the profound unconditional love in me that so wanted to induct her.  That never happened.  If she only knew who told her, 'I love you' that night.  I will post one or two poems that I wrote for her during this time, that she did not really appricate or understand.

I remember when the internet first came out, I was young.  I was looking on the internet about all kinds of stuff.  I saw stuff on the kundalini.  I actually set up a candle in my room and tried to rise the kundalini.  It didn't work, and there was never attempt again.  Shortly after a depression, much like my childhood before my father grew up, took over my mind.  I was nihlistic, hurting so bad for the world, crying at the thought of it all.  Then the accidents.

This depression went on till my 23rd year, when I finally fell in love fully, and let go of the past.  Once the past was clear, my mind collapsed into emptiness.

I strongly feel there is past life sense to this, beacuse I always was like this, even as a boy.  I would be mean and not know why.  I felt so bad that I was mean.  Abusive to other kids, to my pets, to my parents.  Being a boy that young, you don't realize you are immitaing your environments.  You hit others cuz you learned from getting hit.  I thought I was mean bad evil boy.

You see, it is only because I had so much chaos and pain through my 23yrs, coupled with the inability to cope with and relieve stress.  I was like a bottle of pop, shook  and shook till the pressure finally blew.

It was easy to let go of my ego, because most of the time it thought it was ugly, stupid, inferior, worthless, etc.

It seems to me that all those conditions were fertile grounds for an awakening.  No matter how hard things were, I am eternally thankful.  I love me, this world.

Feels real good to get these things out.  Its almost like I am putting my life into a richer perspective as I talk about it all.  I really LOVE you guys listening to me.  You are my people.  Only you guys can truly relate to what I am saying, acknowledge my existence, and my rebirth into my whole self.

[Shanti]

quote:Originally posted by Kyman

   People around me didn't understand me.  I was terribly frustrating to those who's moods were typically negative.

You know what's sad?  The girl who pursued me so long allowed me to fall in love with her.  While in love my whole self was conceived.  But...once my joy emerged and I wasn't depressed and sad (blissful is a strong contrast), she didn't know how to relate to me.  I wasn't like her father anymore, who a very dependent person too.  Wasn't long before she was repulsed by me, on an unconscious level.  She just couldn't relate.  Her identity lost its counter-part, zack's ego.  Zack's ego dissappear for those three months.  Co-dependency, especially on an emotional level, was impossible.  I even told her things like, I can't make you happy, only you can.  If this doesn't last so what, we aren't there yet.  Lets make sure it does by making the best moments, etc.

One time, and I will never ever forget this.  I was taken over by that one and only, indescribable sense of bliss, and she didn't understand.  I wasn't acting weird, just talking inspirationally, telling her how good this feels, trying to spark her interest.  I kept saying, honey I wish you could feel this with me.  

Later on we had an fight about tensions building up, and there was a release.  We talked about perspective while laying in bed.  I looked at her said I just wish you could see things like I do, and a tear rolled down my cheek.  She brushed off from my face, along with the profound unconditional love in me that so wanted to induct her.  That never happened.  If she only knew who told her, 'I love you' that night.  I will post one or two poems that I wrote for her during this time, that she did not really appricate or understand.

 
Hi Zack,
That was once again a beautiful.. from your heart ..post. Thank you for sharing this.
This post has brought up some questions in me... its like you were living my life.. but  characters and incidents are different.. I am going to make another topic of this.. I have some questions..
Thank you again Zack.
-Shweta.

[Scott]

Zack,

It's great to read about your life.  You're a strong and courageous person.

[Kyman]

For so long I refused to believe any such thing.  It is only now that I have sense of worth about myself.  Thank you, Scott.

Does anyone feel that they have things still clouding there mind, things that have been figured out?  It is terribly difficult to see one's self, and because I am a very solitary person I have fewer oppurtunities to learn about myself by engaging with others.

My brother often tells me that I have no idea what I can be in my life.  He says you don't know until you do it.

It is still a big mystery to me, my future, which is how it's supposed to be I guess, haha.  The only sense I have is a warm one, which comes from within.  

Anyone ever hear that when they near there 28-30yr age there is usually a change of course in their life?