Losing Self Judgements

[CarsonZi]

Namaste Friends....

The other day about 1 minute into Spinal Breathing Pranayam I had something "snap"......I have been feeling a bit down on myself a little lately feeling that I am not making as much spiritual progress as I "should be"....(yeah yeah, I know )  But at that moment in pranayam I realized that "judging" my "doings" is not helpful.  It is more appropriate to just do without judging....the judgements are living in/thinking about the past.  It is better for me to do what I will do and not judge myself based on these actions.  BUT, with that said, this brought into question "right action" for me.  Through inquiring into this I have realized that I don't need to worry about "right action" (personally).  I know that in the "moment" I will always choose what I "feel" is right action.....I don't purposefully do things to hurt anyone, not even myself anymore.  SO.....I can let go of judging myself and my actions and just BE myself now.  I have done things (and will do things) that may not seem like "right action" in hindsight, but beating myself up over these things is not productive.  It is better to focus on making the best decisions possible right NOW and letting go of the judgements surrounding these actions....what is done is done.  Good to learn lessons from actions made in the past, but not good to focus on punishing yourself for not making the "best" decision in hindsight.  This is a milestone for me.

Love,
Carson

Hahahaha....this especially applies to my golf game[)] hahahaha[]

[Shanti]

quote:Originally posted by CarsonZi

 I have done things (and will do things) that may not seem like "right action" in hindsight, but beating myself up over these things is not productive.  It is better to focus on making the best decisions possible right NOW and letting go of the judgements surrounding these actions....what is done is done.  Good to learn lessons from actions made in the past, but not good to focus on punishing yourself for not making the "best" decision in hindsight.  This is a milestone for me.

Beautiful Carson.

[yogani]

Hi Carson:

This is a key realization. But, like self-inquiry,  it can only be carried beyond the intellect if it is "relational," if there is enough abiding inner silence to remain increasingly in a condition of letting go, even as we act.

Someone recently asked me in email about this as it relates to errant words or actions by spiritual teachers (examples are abundant). Here is part of what I wrote back, as it might pertain to anyone in considering conduct (edited for this discussion):

 

quote:The primary motivation of a spiritual teacher is compassion, and letting that flow with minimum interference. If the teacher is liberated, they will not be much concerned about illuminating the remaining shadows in their own personality, unless it has been a priority for the person prior to enlightenment and carries forward by momentum. So karma has a role to play in what spiritual teachers do -- how they express themselves. It will not be perfect, even if the liberation is. Life in the world and liberation are in different realms, even though the Self will radiate much love, joy and healing into the world. This is the natural rise of yama/niyama, which will always be a lesser or greater reflection of the Self, never a 100% perfect reflection. Many continue to seek that 100% worldly perfection over their own freedom. It is something of a wild goose chase.  

Do I find myself making statements that are incorrect, or biased in ways that are not beneficial to someone? Rarely and all the time, depending on who is judging. I judge it much less than I used to. It is beyond our reckoning. At some point we have to hand responsibility over to the divine and trust the process. That is what liberation is.

The guru is in you.

[CarsonZi]

Hi Yogani and thank you for your insights as always[]

I don't know if my "headspace" is what you would call relational, but I try to come at this "realization" from as egoless/aware/mindful a space as possible at any given moment.  To me "relational" is "relative"....constantly changing...my "relational level" seems to change as my journey does.  So I will try not to judge myself but at the same time not "let it all go" and forget about self control; "hey who is there to judge, why discern over any action"? Haha.  I could see how someone could take a "mind realization" of this kind to a very bad place.  I will keep this in "mind"() and stay "relational"[:p].

Love,
Carson[^]

[yogani]

Hi Carson:

You will know it is working (relational in stillness) when you feel joyful, child-like, eternally in love with Self/God, and not the doer of anything, though much may seem to be going on.

The guru is in you.

[CarsonZi]

Hi Yogani.....

Well I've been told by many that I act like a "big kid"[:p].....I usually "feel" this way too.  There are still times when I "get serious" and forget about "Lila", but these moments are short lived and I can let go of the need to judge myself over these "momentary lapses" now.  There is growth.  Much more to blossom into, but I feel I have sprouted from my seed pod finally.....I feel the peace of having "space".  Thank you for your loving guidance and compassionate wisdom as we skip, summersault and cartwheel down the path of Life on our way to Union[)].

Love Always,
Carson[^]