Hi Jim and Thank You again!
When I begin my meditation, I prefer to lie down, so I am not even sitting in the lotus style position that is recommended but not required. I proceed with 2 - 5 minutes of the spinal breathing, then I begin to Say "I AM" in my mind, as in the main lessons, when I realize my mind has drifted from saying "I AM" (I dont realize when they come in)I pretty much say... oh look you've drifted, then I go back to the "I AM".
So, when I hear people saying dont pay much attention to the crown, I feel confused, because I dont feel as if I am, when I feel the pressures or see what I see, I pretty much say to myself oh look, your off of the I AM again, and return to that if possible. I feel as if I would have to; not say "I AM" and literally concentrate and visualize on my 1st Chakra or force a thought as to not experience or feel what I feel. I hope this makes sense.
Also, I did learn on this sight about surrendering to the "pain" we somtimes feel when meditating, as it is part of the purifying process. That has helped tremendous, because I overcome my fear, that I usually have and realize, it's not that painful, and in turn, what I notice is that other parts of my body are healing themselves. I had/have a scar over my left eyebrow that travels to my left eye lid, from a car accident, now the scar still remains moreso on top of the eye lid, the eyebrow part of the scar is just about gone! For 2 - 3 days after I felt all that energy on the top outside part of my head, I felt little baby spark like sensations throughout the day on my left eyebrow. It felt like lttle spiders bitting my eyebrow or something, I literally went to the mirror, to see if I had been bitten, and noticed that the hairline of my eyebrow has been reconnected, and moved my brow hair around and noticed the scar gone.
Another Confusing & Fearful Experience - I had fallen asleep as I was putting my 3 year old down for sleep, so no "Web Suring" before bed :+) Later on my husband came in, moved my son into his own room, then went to sleep with me. Shortly thereafter, I woke up to use the restroom, and when I went into the bathroom, there is a mirror you automatically see yourself in, and my eyes were neon green and my pupils yellow, I got so scared, I flew back into bed, and said what color are my eyes? He said brown, why are you shaking? So, I told him, then he said when he first got into bed with me I was being restless again, tossing, turning, and breathing hard, then stopped a few minutes before I woke up to use the restroom.
I am going to take your advice and not surf as much to find the why and just enjoy the ride, but honestly the ride scares me sometimes and thats why I "surf" because I really feel that fear is nothing more than being uneducated. So I guess you can say my "surfing" is a way I have been trying to break through my fear.
Thank You Very Much!